Baby Talk

TVT (shortie version)

2012-02-23T19:52:00.000-05:00

Welcome to Thought Vomit Thursday (the short version because I'm tired)...

I'm having trouble putting my underwear on from a standing position. One of these days I'm going to fall over. Anyone else ever have this problem at almost 8 mths pregnant? Please make me feel better about myself.
Sleep has been horrible! I wake up every single hour and with a full bladder. I'm starting to realize that maybe my constant thirst and (very) frequent urination is GD related...
I have an appointment with my endocrinologist for Monday to discuss my GD. I was thinking today that thank goodness I have not been working because between everything that has gone on during the pregnancy and the constant appointments I would never BE at work!
My hunger has been off the hook too.
I find myself the past few days waking up scratching my big belly. It itches like crazy!
I'm convinced NYS is going to crumble and just melt into the earth. The weather here has been nuts. It's been in the 40's-50's the past few days, yet we are supposed to get a snow storm tomorrow...
I plan to get a pedicure this coming week. That is if my cankles don't send the nail tech running and screaming...
I like singing to Samantha in the car. It's fun.

Rhogam shot, glucose results and guilt?

2012-02-22T17:05:00.000-05:00

Well, the high I was riding out from yesterday's good news (thank you for all the love btw!) was squashed a little this afternoon when I found out that I DO have gestational diabetes. Booooo :( Not great news, but I could have received even worse news this week and I didn't. So I guess I have to take the good with the bad here. It's a total bummer though.

I went to my (old) OB's office today to get the rhogam shot that I was nervous about. I had one after my miscarriage a few years ago and it HURT LIKE HELL. But when I got there it was my favorite nurse that called me back and I was happy about that. She just puts me at ease. And surprisingly she said she could give me the shot in the arm if I preferred instead of the bootie. Yes please! And it actually wasn't too bad. It hurt, but nothing crazy. She then told me how bummed she was that I was leaving them and wished me so much luck etc. I took that opportunity to tell her that she was my fav! :) I had asked her when my 3 hour glucose results would be back and she said she would probably be calling me this afternoon with them.

And she just called me with the results. FAILED. So bummed. She said I'll probably just have to test my blood sugar at home and change my diet a little. I'm going to try to avoid insulin shots like the plague. I am DONE with needles! I asked her if I could just see my thyroid doctor for all that because I like her a lot and she handles diabetes cases too. So, she's going to fax over my results to her and I'll have to call tomorrow and make an appointment for next week.

I just have to look at this as (hopefully) just a short term issue. I have 8-10 weeks left of this pregnancy. I can do this!!! Right?!

Thank you for all the love and support yesterday with our good news about Samantha :) It's strange my husband said to me when we got home " I kind of feel a little guilty saying to people that we are so relieved she's okay." And I totally know what he meant. Because I was sort of feeling that way too. We just want to be clear that no matter what type of special needs Samantha may have needed, we would have love love loved her just the same. But no one hopes that there baby may have issues, so I think we were just "relieved" for our baby. That she wouldn't have to struggle with all of that. I said to my husband, " I know what you mean, I sort of felt that way too, but we can't think like that." So I hope no one out there thinks that we wouldn't have loved her any different :)

PEANUT!!!!!

2012-02-21T12:27:00.000-05:00

With a very happy heart, I am relieved to say that our girl is just a little peanut!!! :)

We just got home from the MFM growth scan appointment. And it couldn't have gone better. We did get to meet with the "good" doctor." And he seemed so confident while doing the ultrasound, which I really liked! He was this little Japanese guy with a very strong accent and he kept making little jokes here and there, which only my husband really heard because I couldn't hear over the crinkly exam table paper. But we did get to watch the screen the whole time which was cool. Here's a summary of what he told us:

-She's growing! 3 pounds 1 oz now. She's definitely growing on her own curve which is a great sign that everything is okay and that she's likely just a peanut. In fact, if I go full term she could be close to 7 pounds he said!
-Her arms and legs have grown! And he said that her feet are measuring bigger than her femur which is a clear sign that she doesn't have dwarfism. He said she might have big feet! haha Which is funny because I've always had big feet for my height :)
-He can't find any down syndrome markers!
-AND he's so confident with what he (did and didn't find) that we don't even have to go back!

Thank you GOD! :) And thank you to anyone who's prayed for us!

The 3 Hour Test and ZZZzzzzzz

2012-02-20T17:25:00.002-05:00

I think for the first time in my infertility and pregnancy journey, I'm feeling like a "textbook case." On Saturday I read our 30 week update from babycenter.com. It said that I might see my feet becoming more swollen, that I might find myself more emotional and that I might be becoming much more tired. Check. Check. And check. Saturday after the bridal shower I came home, took my ballet flats off and my feet were so swollen. The past few days I've been noticing that I need to nap everyday for at least an hour. I've usually been pretty good about pushing through being tired and just waiting for nighttime. But lately, it's impossible. I have to take a nap. I physically can't stay awake. And then last night I had an emotional breakdown. Haven't had one of those in a awhile...

I think occasionally, for me, I need a good cry. I guess I was just feeling so overwhelmed by these appointments this week. I really really hate needles. And as much as I'm sort of "used" to them with all the infertility treatments, I still get kind of anxious about needles. And knowing today I was going to have to have four blood draws, was freaking me out. Also, I'm nervous about our second growth scan at the MFM tomorrow, and then Wednesday I have to get the (painful) rhogam shot in the ass!! The last time I had a rhogam shot was after our miscarriage in 2009. So needless to say I had a bit of a cry fest last night. I'm just tired of things being so difficult during this pregnancy and having to jumps hoops that a lot of other people don't have to jump. Sometimes I feel so alone in it all. Even though I know I'm not. I know their are MILLIONS of couples having to deal with their own fair share of difficult pregnancies/adoptions. Just sometimes a girl need to us the CIO method :)

So, today I had the 3 hour glucose test. It sucked. For sure. However, I'm so glad it's over! I got to the lab at 6:45. They did the first blood draw and then I had to drink double the dose of orange syrup stuff. Which was a lot harder to get down. I actually started feeling really sick and then tech even asked me how I was doing because she said a lot of girls get sick off this bigger dose. I had to fast for this one, no water or food after 12 the night before so I was already feeling kind of sick and then add the syrup and I was eyeing a garbage can. But I really tried to just get through it because I knew if I threw it up I would just have to drink more or cancel the test and I just wanted to get it over with. So I toughed it out and three hours and four blood draws (ouch) later, I was free to go!! I think I practically ran out of there. I was so tired. I brought two books with me, but when I'm tired and I try to read it just puts me to sleep more. I'm so happy it's over! Not sure when I will hear the results, but I'm praying I passed!!!

Tomorrow is the second growth scan at the MFM. Please pray for us that her arms and legs have grown (at least on her own curve)!!! I called the MFM office last Friday to make sure we were seeing the "good" doctor but no one called me back. I then called them again today after my appt and they finally called me back to confirm that yes we were seeing him tomorrow. So I was relieved that there weren't any issues switching our doctors. I will let you know how it goes tomorrow! Prayers are very much appreciated :)

ps- How sweet is this? My husband fasted with me this morning. He said he didn't want me to have to do it alone so he didn't get his morning coffee or any food until after my appointment was over :) Just thought that was sweet. Especially, because he needs his morning coffee right away usually....

30!!

2012-02-18T20:17:00.001-05:00

We are 30 weeks today!!!! And I almost forgot about it!! Today I went to my future SIL's bridal shower, so I was a little distracted :)

But WOW, 30 weeks! Pretty excited about it.

People were talking at the shower today about what if I go into labor at my brother's wedding. I'll be 34 weeks then and it will be St. Patricks Day! Butttt I'd rather that not happen :) That would be wayyyy to much drama and I'd like little Samantha to be fully cooked if possible :)

I was reading the 30 week "message" on babycenter.com and it was saying how I might notice my feet to swell more around now. How funny because today when I got home from the shower (I was wearing ballet flats) my feet were like three times their size when I got home! Months ago I bought a bigger pair of sneakers (8 or 8 1/2) and I'm usually a size 7. The ballet flats I wore today were a size 7, so I should have known better! But wow, I've never seen my feet that swollen before!

Big Fat Fail :(

2012-02-17T11:02:00.002-05:00

I got a call this morning from the OB's office. Unfortunately, it was the b**** nurse "J" that I really don't like. She's always rushed and rude, I really want to punch her in the face. But anyways, I knew what she was calling about. I just had a feeling that she was going to say I failed the glucose test. And I was right. She told me my numbers were "abnormal and high." And so when I asked her for the exact numbers, I think it caught her off guard. "Well, I'll have to look through this paperwork" she said. "I'll wait!" I said. Sorry lady, you really think I'm going to get off this phone without the exact numbers? I'm an infertile, my life revolves around numbers! Finally, she found them and she said mine was 154 and they like to see it in the 130's range. Great.

Then she said they don't do the 3 hour test there and that I would have to go to a Labcorp. She gave me a number and I just called and made an appointment for 7am this coming Monday. What sucks is you can't have anything to eat or drink after midnight. Not even water! Which is going to be really hard for me, because I'm always so thirsty in the middle of the night and sip on water when I wake up (every hour) to pee. And then no food? I'm pregnant and constantly starving. This is gonna be hard. Oh well, gotta do it.

So, that means next week I have:

Monday-3 hour glucose test
Tuesday-MFM growth scan appt
Wednesday-Rhogam shot at OB's

God, help me.

I guess I can say I'm not all that surprised that I failed. Although I had a sliver of hope at my thyroid appt the other day when she pricked my finger and it was normal. I'm not sure if family genes play a part, but my brother has had type 1 since he was little and type 2 is all over the place on my Dad's side of the family. So if genetics do play a part, I knew I would be screwed. But was REALLY hoping we'd catch a break this time :( When I hung up with mean nurse "J" I realized I should probably call back and ask them about the Advair I'm on. My one hour glucose was delayed because of the two weeks of Prednisone I was on. Apparently that can effect sugar levels. Now, my asthma doctor has me on Advair at the highest dose two times a day. It's an asthma controller, so it's something I will be continuing to take. And it's actually helping me a lot! But I'm pretty sure Advair has some sort of steroid in it. So now I'm wondering if that effected my one hour and if it will effect my three hour??!! So I called the nurses line at the OB and left a message.

I really really don't want to have to do insulin shots. I am SO done with shots. I hope that I'll be able to control this with some diet fixes. Or maybe it will be a miracle and I'll pass the 3 hour? Hmmmm yeah, I guess I'm wishing big...

**What happens at a 3 hour test? Are there three blood draws? Do I just have to drink one cup?**

Sneak Peek!

2012-02-16T13:42:00.001-05:00

Here is a sneak peek of the nursery!!! I'm in love with it so far. I do love me some PINK :) Although, it's not finished yet. We still need to get curtains, gonna go with a light green I think. We bought pink ones but they turned out to be a little too "hot" pink. We will probably take the crib bumper out when she goes in there, but for now it's just there for decoration. There is a white corner bookshelf that was in my nursery as a baby but it's at my Mom's and needs to be cleaned up and painted white. So, we'll either use that or get a big white basket for books. And we'd like to put another shelf in the closet. Maybe a throw rug and possibly a matching night light. I'll definitely post pictures of the "finished product" in the next few weeks. Enjoy!

"First we had each other, then we had you, and now we have everything."

I'll take the Orange flavor please...

2012-02-15T19:50:00.001-05:00

I had my (very delayed) glucose test today. The receptionist gave me the choice of orange flavor, lime or fruit punch. I chose the orange. I was nervous when the nurse came out to give me the (rather large) cup and told me I only had 5 minutes to drink it!! I was hoping I could just sip at it for awhile, but I guess that's not how they roll. She then told me when I finished (speed chugging) it that I was to give the cup to the receptionist and they would start the hour timer. Surprisingly, the orange drink wasn't so bad. It was sort of like orange soda (which I like to partake in sometimes) except it was thicker, much sweeter and no carbonation. Not something I'd like to drink again, but definitely didn't make me run for a garbage can, so that's good.

The hour went fairly quick and then they called me back. Took my weight (holy cow, literally), took a urine sample (which had my usual trace of protein in it), took my BP (which was in a normal range) and then took my blood for the glucose test. Which I assume they will contact me in a few days to let me know if I passed or failed. Really praying I don't have GD!!!! It's seriously the last thing we need on our plate right now. One thing I don't like about this practice is that I have to fish for answers. Like for example with my BP, I had to ask if it was normal. And with my urine I had to ask if there was protein in it. They never just offer the info up! And I was worried about getting answers from what was happening at the appt that I totally forgot to ask her a few questions. Like if all the pressure I have been feeling is normal and all the bathroom trips and feeling like my bladder is full right after I leave the bathroom! But I think I will call tomorrow and ask everything I forgot to. The NP also checked the baby's heartbeat on the doppler. She found it right away in the 150's! And Samantha even gave her a kick. I had asked her how often I should feel her and she said I should feel ten kicks by 10am! Which seems like a lot to me. I definitely feel her throughout the day but she is most active after dinner and at night. So now she has me a little freaked that maybe she isn't moving enough?? I would hate having to obsess about her kicks.

So next Tuesday we have our second growth scan with the MFM (maternal fetal medicine doctor for those who don't know) and we are PRAYING her arms and legs have grown. The NP today did talk a little about this and she said they didn't see any markers for downs/dwarfism in their scans. And that she really thinks she will just be a peanut. But of course she can't say for sure, but it was nice to hear that in all their organ/body part scans she looked beautiful. And then the day after our MFM appt next week I have to go back to the OB's for my rhogam shot. And then I'm off to the new OB! I think it will be a good change. I really do think it's the right way to go and I'm glad we didn't just back down and stay with the first hospital...

After my appointment, my mom met me for lunch and then she came over to the house to help me sort through some baby things. She helped me (well she did most of it!) put up the wall decals which I absolutely love! They look so good! But let me tell you they are a PAIN IN THE ASS to put up :) My mom and I were swearing like truck drivers. The first one was sort of easy but the second one with more words was AWFUL. However, in the end it was fine and they look great! I MIGHT post a nursery "sneak peek" photo tomorrow :) There's still a bunch to be done. But I might give you girls a looksie.

We also went through some more baby clothes and hung them in the closet. And her closet is exploding with cuteness. This girl has an insane amount of clothes! I am going to have to change her 5 times a day just to use it all! :)

Love.

2012-02-14T12:08:00.000-05:00

*Please take a second to listen to the song above*

Happy Valentine's Day everyone. I'm feeling so blessed today knowing I have two Valentines, my loving husband and my little girl in my belly. This is true love...

Last night I just happened to be watching the new show "Smash." And at the end Ivy (one of the characters) sang a song called "Crazy Dreams." It's really a song about show business but I couldn't help but listen to it and think about the struggle of infertility and finally having your dreams come true with a pregnancy. Lately, I've been feeling really sad for a few blogger friends who are going through a tough time. Whether it be another failed IVF, another miscarriage or an adoption that fell through. My heart hurts for them. Because even though each situation is different, the pain is the same for all of them. And I remember that pain very clearly. I just wish I could snap my fingers and put a baby in everyone's arms! I hate to see these girls hurting. It's like a reflection of my own pain that I felt just months ago.

So listening to this song last night got me a little emotional. And I loved the message behind it that even crazy dreams come true. Just last summer I was thinking it would be crazy if our IVF actually worked. And it did. Our dream came true.

Thank God, even crazy dreams come true...

Braxton Hicks?

2012-02-13T13:36:00.000-05:00

I was doing okay after my scary (almost) fall on Saturday. I stayed on the couch (for the most part) for the remainder of the day.

But then Sunday night I started having pain. And I thought they might be Braxton Hicks? Although it stayed constant, it didn't come and go like i thought contractions do? I researched BH and it said that some women don't feel any pain with them and some women do feel pain. And that they usually start around 28 weeks. We are a little over 29 weeks. My stomach did feel tight too. So, as we watched the Grammy's I walked around, changed positions, took a hot shower, laid with a heating pad. Nothing seemed to help. But today I am feeling fine. So maybe it was just digestive issues? Who knows. I'm worried I won't know when I am really in labor because let me tell ya, this shit was painful last night. Not like crampy pain...but PAIN. And then I had a nightmare last night that I woke up bleeding and there was lots of tissue and clots. You better believe I was scared to go to the bathroom after that to check. Everything is fine and I am feeling better today. But geez.

I'm kind of excited for my OB appt on Wednesday. I'm still with the old OB for two more weeks. And even though I have o do the glucose test (ick!) I'm just going to be happy to be back there and for them to check me out. Check my urine and check the baby's HB on doppler. I haven't been there since January 4th! Although, I have been to a variety of emergency rooms/urgent cares/primary doctor's office. So it's not like I haven't been seen at all.

I'm not sure if my new Advair medicine is helping me yet. I'm a little worried that no medicine is even coming out of the thing. I used it it years and years ago, and I remember back then when I would inhale I could sort of taste the medicine/powder. Now, with this one I taste/feel nothing coming out. I'm pretty sure I'm doing it right, but haven't felt any drastic breathing changes yet.

I was hoping maybe the pain I was feeling last night was growing pains or something. And it made me happy to think my stomach was stretching because she is growing! That's what I'd like to think. I did notice recently too that my stretch marks on my stomach are getting worse and that they are travelling higher up on my belly. That means my stomach is growing for the baby right? :) Hope so.

29 weeks!

2012-02-11T13:30:00.001-05:00

We are 29 weeks today and what do I do to celebrate???

I scare the crap out of myself by tripping and almost falling. My husband is working today, so I decided I was going to tackle more baby stuff and get organizing. Our living room is still a mess. So as I was trying to go through some stuff and I thought it would be a good idea to drag a box out to the living room that I didn't want in the baby's room anymore. BAD idea. Somehow I tripped as I was pulling it along and went flying forward and had a hard time stopping myself. What scared me the most was this burning sensation that I immediately felt all over my stomach :( And now I'm feeling some weird pains.Scary.

I hope the baby is okay :( I don't think I'm leaving the couch for the rest of the day...

Sick and Tired

2012-02-10T10:55:00.000-05:00

Literally and figuratively.

I'm sick again. Coughing...asthma...all the good stuff...

Last night I felt my airways practically close right up and I had to rush to my neb machine. It was an awful feeling. Then I went to bed early. I had an emergency appt with the pulmonary doctor this morning. It was the first time I met him and I immediately didn't like him. His bed side manner was horrible and he rushed in and out.. I had told him I noticed a pattern that I seem to feel better only when I am taking steroids. He then put me on Advair, we'll see if that helps. I think Advair has some sort of steroid in it which he said was safer than prednisone for pregnancy. I'm definitely calling my primary doctor to see if he can refer me to another pulmonary group. As I will not be seeing this doctor again. He might be "book smart" but I just can't get past a horrible bed side manner. That should be the first thing they teach doctors in med school. Seriously.

Maybe I'm becoming more picky about doctor's in my old age or something. But to me they have to have the whole package. Good at their job and a great bed side manner. Is that too much to ask? Maybe. But I don't care.

I also made some calls this morning to find a new OB. After a few rejections and speaking to a few snotty receptionists (another thing that bugs me!) I finally found our new OB and will be seeing them on March 7th. Perfect timing since next week I will do the glucose test at the old OB and the following week I'll get my Rhogam shot...and then I'll be on my way!! I hope this all works out well! The receptionist was really nice, so that's a good start :)

Ok, I'm going back to bed. I was falling asleep in the doctor's office this morning.

Time to get myself well again.

Spoke too soon

2012-02-09T17:16:00.000-05:00

So, my favorite nurse from the OB's office called me this afternoon. Turns out my doctor is not comfortable with monitoring me this whole time and then not delivering the baby. So, we need to find another practice.

F****** great.

Made the switch and what to pack?

2012-02-08T16:13:00.000-05:00

I was finally able to speak with someone in my OB's office today and they said it's fine if I want to stick with them for monitoring for the rest of the pregnancy and then deliver at a different hospital. Which was great news! However, there is a very good chance my OB will be busy delivering someone else at the private hospital because as the nurse said "I'm due at a very busy time." I guess there are lots of Spring babes due?? So, I may have to have the OB on staff at the hospital deliver Samantha. Which I am totally fine with. Our bigger concerns are having the proper help available to our girl (IF need be) and that we have a private room where we can stay together as a family after the birth. So we are happy with this decision. And we are going on a tour of the birth center in early March.

I know this is super early to be asking, but what are your suggestions on what to pack in the hospital bag??? I want to pack ours early because I have this fear of heading to the hospital in a rush and forgetting everything! I know the hospital gives you a list of what you should bring (as we got one the other night at the private hospital) but I want the opinions of all you bloggers out there! Because I think you probably have a more realistic list that maybe worked for you. Please include what we should pack for all of us, Mom, Dad and Baby....

Thanks!

Tinkle Targets

2012-02-07T17:44:00.000-05:00

I'm feeling a little better today. Thanks for all your support over my last post. Maybe I just needed some fresh air and some wandering through the Babies R Us aisles. I had my endocrinologist appointment today too. The doctor was really nice. She did blood work to see where my thyroid levels were at and gave me some free samples of the drug I take for my thyroid. I was talking to her about how my glucose test got pushed back because of the steroid medication. So she decided to prick my finger to check blood sugar levels and they came back just fine. So maybe just maybe, I'll get a pass on gestational diabetes?? That would be SO nice. However, I still have to drink down that sugary drink at the OB's, so I very well may get a different result. We'll see. The glucose test is next Wednesday.

After my appointment, I went to Babies R us to pick up a few things. I got a cover for the changing table pad, a Sophie the Giraffe teether (which I didn't know squeaked, which is kind of a bummer) a cute little preemie outfit and a small pink basket for the changing table. I've been wanting to get a few preemie outfits because I think she is going to be super tiny and I've heard from some people that even their 7 pound babies are sometimes too small for newborn stuff. We still have a long list of stuff we need, but it felt good to check some off today and use a gift card for it. Next trip to babies r us I plan to return some duplicate gifts and get the crib mattress.

It's so fun to walk through the aisles there because I'm just interested in everything and how it works and when she might need it. As I turned the corner in one section of the store and ended up in the potty training aisle. I saw these things called "Tinkle Targets." And laughed out loud. Have you seen them? They are these little foam (some kind of flushable foam) stars that you put in the toilet so little boys can aim their pee at them, just a like playing a game or something! So funny and actually a great idea. Something that Samantha will never need, but I'm sure we'll end up getting her one of those talking/singing pottys when she's older.

I called my OB's office this morning and left a message for the nurse regarding changing delivery hospitals and what my options might be. But she had called me back during my doctor's appointment and then I didn't see the message. So I called them back when I got home leaving another message but they never called back. So I guess it'll be round two tomorrow. I've come to the decision that I definitely don't want to deliver at the women's hospital. I just think the two reasons we have are pretty good reasons to go elsewhere. I am a little sad about because it is a great hospital and I've heard a lot of other people rave about it. But I just don't think we can roll the dice on the fact that my husband may not be able to stay with us the first night and IF the baby needs a bigger NICU. Also, this private hospital is about 30-40 minutes away from where we live. The other two (city) hospitals are about 10-15 minutes. Every time we had to head to the private hospital for the two scares we had, we were like " Wow this is going to be a LONG ride come delivery day." And if it happened during evening rush hour, forget it. It could take an hour or longer to get there. I mean yes, there is that possibility that we would get our own room because it's "slow" and that Samantha will be totally fine and healthy and won't need any help! But all this is the unknown. And I just don't think we want to risk it...

So hopefully my OB has some good news for me tomorrow. I really want to stay with her practice for monitoring, and if she can't make it to the bigger hospital come delivery day ( whether that be because she's delivering someone else's miracle at the women's hospital) then that's fine. I'm ok with the OB on staff delivering our baby.

I also got a call from the pediatrician's office that we chose. They do sort of a phone interview and you can ask questions, etc. So we are set with that! And actually I had mentioned that we were in the process of changing delivery hospitals. Which works with them because if we deliver at the bigger hospital the doctor will come see us every day at the hospital when she is born. But if we were to deliver at the women's hospital they don't have privileges there so we would have to use on the on staff peds dr at first. Just another reason to switch hospitals I guess.

I realize I just need to take a deep breath, give myself a freakin break and take things one at a time. I know everything will work out, it's just hard to see the big picture right now. And it's nice to know that I'm probably not the only pregnant woman freaking out a bit...

Tomorrow's task: Work on shower thank you cards and get all the baby clothes together to get washed! And I'm totally not using Dreft (gasp!). Luckily my cousin Jenny let me in on a secret that you can just use dye free/scent free detergent. SO much cheaper! Dreft is friggin expensive!

On the verge...

2012-02-06T22:51:00.001-05:00

I feel like I'm on the verge of an emotional breakdown. I don't know if it's my hormones but the past few days I have been extra tired, sad and just generally feeling like I could start sobbing at the drop of a hat. Not to mention I've been having nightmares every night. I know I've been feeling overwhelmed with everything. Just all the baby stuff that needs to be done and the stress of wondering if she's okay.

Then tonight we went to the hospital where we are supposed to be delivering at for a maternity tour. I've been a patient there twice so far this pregnancy so (lucky us) already got to see the birthing rooms which are pretty nice. My OB only delivers at this private women's hospital because it is so close to her practice and she's the only doctor IN her practice. Her web site does say that she also maintains privileges at two other major hospitals in the area. Not sure what that exactly means, but I thought maybe it means she COULD still deliver at those larger hospitals if she wanted to? Something I have to ask her at my next visit.

Because here's the thing. We weren't all that impressed with what we saw tonight. This private hospital does have a lot of great things to offer, but two things have us seriously rethinking our choices. One is, the after birth recovery rooms. There are no private rooms. So basically you are rolling the dice on whether you deliver on a busy day and whether or not you'll get a room to yourself. They said they try their best to give you a room to yourselves but sometimes that's just not possible. Now, yeah sharing a room would suck, but that's not the main thing that upsets us. If we DID end up having to share a room, no one can stay the night with me. Which means, on the day our daughter is born my husband wouldn't be able to stay with us. And THAT we just don't like at all. I would seriously lose my shit if I had been laboring all day, give birth, and then I'm left alone all night to not only deal with the recovery pain but try to care for my newborn alone. Just not ideal.

The second reason we are rethinking things is because this hospital does have a "special care" unit for babies that need help. However, it's no where near as high tech as the other hospitals NICU's. And with the recent info that we were given that there "could" be some issues with our baby girl, I just don't think I would want to risk having them tell me she needs to be transferred by ambulance to a bigger hospital. Because I would totally lose it.

So, I have two plans of action I guess. One is to see if my OB will consider delivering at the big hospital. And what I'm going to ask is, is if she can't make it there for some reason on delivery day, can just a doctor on staff deliver our baby? I honestly don't care that much who delivers the baby, what's stressing me out is having to switch OB practices at this point. It's making me crazy just thinking about trying to get into another practice right now. I'm one of those people that like to feel settled somewhere with a plan and right now I feel like everything is up in the air! I just want to crawl in a hole and cry it out.

And I'm so sick of doctor's appointments and co-pays. We're broke from all these doctor's visits. Tomorrow I have to see the thyroid doctor. And then I have to start making a lot of calls and trying to figure out what hospital we are going with...

I'm hoping this is just a bump in the road and I'll start feeling happier and at ease again. I feel like I'm carrying the weight of the entire world on my shoulders right now. And the only thing I want to be carrying and focusing on is our baby girl....

Go away, black cloud.

On a lighter note, we did get to see two newborns (just hours old!) tonight get wheeled by. They were so tiny and cute! I almost stole them. Well, no not really. Well, maybe...

Baby Shower Love

2012-02-05T17:12:00.002-05:00

Yesterday was my baby shower! My Mom did a beautiful beautiful job with everything! From the cake to the theme to the decorations and favors. Of course my MIL and Step mom were involved with shower too but my was the creative mastermind behind it all. Everything was just perfect. And of course a room full of 60 some odd people who love and support me wasn't too shabby either :) It was such a surreal day. I was a bit anxious and nervous because I'm totally not someone who likes to be the center of attention. So it took a little while to adjust.

Everyone was SO generous with gifts. I can honestly say this baby girl won't need any new clothes or shoes until she's two. I did give a little speech after we had brunch. I had typed it up because I knew if I didn't, I would forget everything. The speech was mainly thanking certain people for being there for us through all the infertility struggles. I just felt it was important for me to say these things because it has been such a struggle to get to this point. Amazingly, I didn't cry through it! I did get choked up but managed not to cry.

My friends Kristen and Shannon were a HUGE help too in keeping track of gifts and organizing them. We joked that they will probably send us bill for Saturday because we had them working so hard! Now, we have a living room FULL of baby stuff and I am completely overwhelmed! I don't even know where to begin. I did set up some of the crib bedding today (which looks adorable) but I think it's still going to take a few weeks to get the nursery in order. We have lots of baby wash to do and some other little things here and there. I also need to buy storage bins and make a list of the things we still need. I know it will all come together but right now I am having trouble sleeping thinking of all the things to do and of course I still have the daily worry of I hope our baby girl is ok :( I think that has been bogging me down a bit in the past few days. I go from complete hopefulness and positivity to what if she's not okay...

We got sooo many lovely gifts! From cute outfits to the expensive necessities! I loved them all but a few of my favorite gifts were: wall decals from my mom for the nursery, a little Levi's jean jacket with "Samantha" sewn on the back, an adorable bib and little diaper booty cover with her name on it and a pretty fabulous diaper cake from friends Kristen and Shannon.

I'm not going to lie, as amazing and beautiful yesterday was I still felt like impostor at my own shower! I was telling my friend later in the day about how much infertility effects me EVEN STILL now that I'm pregnant. For some reason, I didn't feel worthy enough for such a beautiful day. Which I know is so messed up. But that's how I felt. I just don't know when I will stop feeling like this? When I hold her in my arms???

Towards the end of the shower my sweet husband came with a dozen lavender roses for me and one rose each for the Moms :)

One of the cards that I read that stood out to me was from my Aunt Rosemary. She reads my blog and knows that we have been referring to the baby as a little "peanut" ever since we learned about the "possible issues" she might be facing. Inside the card she wrote, " Remember that little peanuts have hard shells for protection." :)

I'll leave you with just a few pictures from the shower. None of me, of course, because I hate pictures of myself. Some were taken of me but I just can't post them, sorry! I went and had my hair styled yesterday at a salon before the shower and I didn't like the way it turned out. My hair ended up looking like a wanna be country music singer hairstyle. What exactly is that you ask? Well the girl curled it all then gave me one of those bumps at the tops of my head. Then she teased it and hair sprayed it all. Just wasn't happy with it and it made me feel worse about myself.

So here are a few pictures of my big day! I can't believe we turned 7 mths yesterday too. Wow :) A big thank you (to those who were at the shower and read my blog) for helping to make yesterday so beautiful...

Fort Orange Club (where shower was held)

One of the many cute balloons

The mini-booties my Nana made for everyone to wear! White with pink ribbon...

The cake!

The favor! A pink bird egg (soap) in a nest!

One of these were on each table!

I gave this photo to my mom at Christmas. She attached it to "A New
Little Princess" balloon at the shower

Presents!

More presents!

I can't get this to rotate, but these were the centerpieces on each table. Real branches
with white and pink bird cut outs that people could write messages of advice and love on !
Complete with feather pens too!

Three things...

2012-02-04T06:00:00.004-05:00

Today we are 28 weeks! :)

Today is the start of the third trimester! :)

Today is my BABY SHOWER! :)

Prayers for a blogger friend!

2012-02-03T18:17:00.000-05:00

Hi Friends...

Please take a minute to head over to my friend Emily's blog and offer her prayers and support. She is currently 22 weeks pregnant with TRIPLETS and is now in the hospital until the babies are born. The doctors are hoping to keep these babes inside for a few more weeks. So, please if you have a minute say a prayer for her and these three little ones...

Thank you!

Bloggin' about my bladder!

2012-02-03T13:16:00.001-05:00

I have been peeing non-stop!!! Is this normal??? I walk out of the bathroom and have to pee AGAIN! I mean, I've always peed a lot during this pregnancy, but in the past few days I have go ALL THE TIME. Sometimes I think she is kicking my bladder or just sitting on it maybe?

Please tell me I'm not the only one having this issue!?

**Oh! Just want to mention that I am actually peeing quite a bit each time I go, so it's not just a feeling like I have to go, I actually do go! Which I guess is a good sign. Just makes me worried because I have to go again the minute I walk out of the bathroom! Adult diaper time? :)**

Don't want to jinx myself...

2012-02-02T18:11:00.000-05:00

but I think I am FINALLY turning the corner and starting to feel better!!! I had my pulmonary specialist appt this afternoon, which I sort of felt like was a waste of time. They did all kinds of breathing tests on me and then next Tuesday I am supposed to meet with the doctor to discuss results. I just felt so much better today breathing wise that it seemed silly to have the tests done now when I can breathe as opposed to how awful I had been feeling the last few weeks. Oh well. I least I'm getting established there again in case my asthma gets worse again. These co-pays are adding up though! And it's really hard to stay on top of them. I guess maybe this new round of antibiotics and steroids kicking this illness away. I'm still doing neb treatments but not as much.

You should have seen the look on the nurse's face today when I said this was my second week of prednisone. "Is that okay for pregnancy??" she said with a REALLY worried look on her face. Hmmm, well nurse, probably not. But that ship has sailed...

Just still continuing to pray my ass off that she is doing okay in there :( I can't wait to be off all these meds. I also got a message from a friend today saying that she too had issues with the one specialist we saw for the baby. And that she knows of other people that have had issues as well. So I am definitely going to see the other doctor. I just have a gut feeling it's what we need to do. Although, I do believe that the baby's arms and legs are measuring behind and if the other specialist says the same thing, that's fine. We're not really looking to blame someone with u/s error but I just in my heart know I need to see the other doctor to feel better about things.

Yesterday, I felt like I went on a shopping spree! My friend Jill sent me two boxes of her maternity clothes and a bag of brand new baby girl clothes. It was really fun to go through the clothes, because I literally have like two outfits that I rotate and maternity stuff can get expensive! So I was very grateful that she passed them on to me :)

Science Experiment

2012-01-30T22:27:00.000-05:00

I feel like I should be studied.

Today we were back in my doctor's office. I had a horrible afternoon/evening last night and we were both just so confused as to why I am not feeling a great deal better. My doctor was equally confused and a slightly bit worried as to why all the meds so far haven't done their job. So, I am now on a new antibiotic 4 times a day and another week of the prednisone. Not happy about it but I just want to get better. I am constantly thinking about how this might be effecting the baby especially with all the other "possible issues" going on. But I am just praying she is blissfully unaware of anything bad that's going on. I'm not gonna lie, it does cross my mind a few times a day that she will be born with like 3 eyes and 7 belly buttons and purple hair because of all the meds. Even if that was the case we'd love her up, but I have a very vivid imagination. I just feel like baby and I are like some sort of science experiment right now...

My doctor also wants me to see a pulmonary specialist this week, so that's on Thursday. This Wednesday was supposed to be my one hour glucose test but that has to be rescheduled. When I called the OB to get the ok for the new antibiotic, we discussed how the prednisone can increase blood sugar levels. So the OB decided we could push the test back. So I'm hoping I can just do the glucose test when I get my rhogam shot on the 10th.

I also called the specialist's office to switch doctors. A good friend of mine who is a nurse gave me some insight on the doctor we saw last week for the growth scan. Basically she said she is HORRIBLE and to switch doctors immediately. She said she knows a lot of people who have had issues with her and honestly she kind of rubbed us the wrong way too. So I called to try and get in to see the other doctor who she said is AMAZING (and yes my friend typed "horrible" and "amazing" in caps) :) So we are all set with the new doctor after my mama bear instincts came out and at first the receptionist said it wasn't really possible. And I calmly replied " well that's not acceptable." And so now we are scheduled with the good doctor. But she did say to remind the receptionist when we get there that we requested to see the other doctor. So that sounds a little weird. But all I know is they are going to have one not very happy mama to be in their office if we somehow end up with the doctor we don't want...

I am hoping I wake up tomorrow feeling like a new woman. These new meds HAVE to work! What's weird is that before I had one or two days where I WAS feeling better and then BAM! Back to feeling like crap again.

Can you believe it's going to be February soon????? Getting so excited for the baby shower this weekend. I just hope I am well! Nothing like a good two weeks of steroids to make my face extra puffy for my baby shower. Oh well. I don't care. I am pregnant. I am having a BABY SHOWER. And I am so blessed and thankful for this little baby and all love and support we have received....

Nesting?

2012-01-29T15:04:00.000-05:00

My husband finished painting the nursery! AND put together the crib, the dresser and the changing table :) It looks perfect! The walls are VERY pink (and I love it!) and the furniture is white. So excited to decorate!! Today I went and hung up and organized by size the clothes we do have. I'm still going to have to wash them all. But it was fun going through them. I'm definitely going to need some baskets or storage bins to organize all the other stuff. My husband might put a few shelves into the closet this week too. I will definitely post some pics when it's all done! Which might not be for another two weeks or so.

After we vacuumed up the nursery and got things looking neat and clean, I think I definitely got that "nesting" feeling. I started going through all her stuff and then I was like "Hmmm maybe I'll clean the house." I'm still not feeling so great but this feeling came over to clean. So I went and swept and mopped, vacuumed and cleaned the toilet. But then I made myself do a neb treatment and sit my ass on the couch.

And now it's nap time...

27 Weeks!

2012-01-28T06:00:00.001-05:00

We are 27 weeks today!!

What a ~~month~~ week it has been. But I am ever so thankful for this baby and the fact that we've made it this far :)

My husband is painting the nursery today!!! Woo-hoo!!! So the nursery is fianlly getting started. I will post a pic in the next few weeks when it's all done...

I was able to get the baby into the pediatrician I wanted. I had called a month or two ago and they said they weren't accepting new patients but to call back in February. So I tried today and we are good to go!

Getting excited for next week because next Saturday is the baby shower AND we turn 28 weeks (third trimester!) :)

Seriously?

2012-01-26T19:04:00.000-05:00

Guess where we were today? Take one guess. Go ahead, I'll give you a minute...

Well if you guessed the emergency room, then you guessed correctly.
I woke up this morning feeling awful. Elephant on my chest, coughing so hard, wheezing. Felt like I hadn't taken any medicine whatsoever. So I just knew it was probably ER time. My primary doctor was out of the office today and both he and my OB had said if I wasn't feeling better in a few days that I should go to the ER. I called the OB's office as soon as they opened and asked them their opinion on going to the ER. They said yes, if I was having that much trouble with my breathing I should head to the ER. Not in a few hours, but as in right now. So of course I start panicking because my husband had already left for work and the weather was a little too bad for me to drive my car. Our plan before the ER situation was he was going to try and get out early and come and get me and we'd go to the dr or ER. But when the OB said go now, I started panicking. Luckily my mother thought of calling my brother who was home and he came and got me.

What sucked is instead of going to a closer hospital (as I had asked) the OB's office wanted me to go up to a hospital way out of our way. Because if the doctor needed to come there for some reason if the baby was in trouble. I will tell you however that I WILL NEVER go back to that hospital's ER. There was really only one really nice person who helped us out when we got there because we looked lost. She got me a wheelchair and personally took us to the ER. But other than that, the nurses weren't all that great and the doctor was HORRIBLE. He was so rude and had no bedside manner. My husband I and were still trying to ask questions and he was like walking out the door! I couldn't believe it. It may just be hormones, but I am seriously considering writing a letter. And there was one single bathroom for like every 6-7 rooms and it was absolutely disgusting. Like something you'd see in Penn Station in NYC.

Anyways, they did a lot of stuff to me. Gave me an IV, took blood, took blood also from an artery (which REALLY sucked btw), they gave me magnesium something in my IV to help my lungs, gave me two different neb treatments, and more steroids through my IV. My heart was going pretty fast so they monitored that. They also checked the baby's hb which was about 147. So I guess they did what they could to help, but the crazy thing is, is that I left there feeling about the same as I did when I got there....

The doctor sent me home with a new dual/neb medicine for my nebulizer that I'm supposed to do every six hours. My main concern leaving the hospital was my coughing. Because I believe that's the main reason I'm having such problems breathing. If I could just somehow take something to control the cough, I really think my breathing would be better. Today was my last antibiotic and tomorrow is my last steroid pill. So I should be feeling much better by now, but I'm not.

When we got home my husband went and picked up my prescription and got me a few bags of Halls. I immediately put one in my mouth and it was like a miracle drug! My cough right away backed off!! I was so excited and we were both joking how we just spent a couple hundred dollars on hospital visits and prescriptions and a $2.00 bag of Halls seems to be helping more than any of the meds! However, my husband googled if it was okay for pregnancy and it got mixed reviews. So we called the OB. Yes, we are probably the crazy couple to my OB because over the last month we have called a million times. The OB just said it was fine but to use sparingly. So I'm trying to hold out for another one until I really need it.

I'm just so tired of my sickness drama. I just want to feel better and stop coughing and be able to breathe again! I've been kind of sad because I feel like I haven't been able to really focus on Samantha and love her and connect with her lately. With all the medicine guilt and me feeling so crappy, I feel like I'm neglecting her or something :( I love her so much already and I just pray she is okay in there.

I did get a comment from one of the nurses who was hooking up my heart monitor. She was looking at my belly and said "You're 6 1/2 months??! Your belly looks so small." Now she may have meant this as some sort of compliment but my first reaction was sadness. Because I thought how Samantha is measuring so small. Although, I actually think I have a pretty big belly to be honest. So I don't know what she really meant by that...

I just want to thank everyone for their love and prayers :) You may have noticed I changed my baby ticker to a "little peanut." Thinking positive thoughts....

Tomorrow I plan to just lay low and hopefully I'll feel like a new woman...

On the table...

2012-01-25T07:36:00.004-05:00

First I would like to apologize to everyone who has been checking in on me with texts, phone calls, emails, comments and messages. I am so sorry I left you all hanging yesterday after our appointment. I know I haven't responded to (pretty much anyone) but as you probably guessed, yesterday did not go very well....

We spent about about 2+ hours at the specialist's office. We had two ultrasounds. One by the u/s tech and then another one by the doctor herself. I had envisioned the title of this post being "Peanut." As in everything went perfectly and our girl is just going to be a little peanut. But things didn't really happen like that.

The ultrasounds took forever and were really uncomfortable, but I didn't really care because I wanted them to do what they needed to do to figure things out. But the whole time as I was switching between staring at the screen and staring at the ceiling I was just sweating and praying that everything was okay. It may sound weird but I don't really like watching the the u/s screen. The tech probably thought I was a bad mother who didn't care, but it's actually the opposite and I'm just terrified of what I'm going to see. And I'm afraid I'm somehow going to see something that doesn't look right (even though I really have no clue). When she first put the scanner thing to my belly my first thought was that her heart wasn't beating anymore. Even though I had just felt her move seconds ago. That's how crazy I am. Sure enough, her little heart was beating away and she is quite the little mover. Always giving the techs a hard time because she is moving all around. I told the tech she's probably pissed at her mother pumping her full of all the drugs I'm on. Anyways, here's what we know...

Basically, all three scenarios are still on the table. Those three being...

1) She's just going to be a tiny little peanut. Since I'm so short and my husband is not very tall. Genetics and all that.

2) She may have down syndrome.

3) She many have dwarfism.

The good things...

The doctor said her organs look great...heart...brain...etc. Her head and body (stomach area) are measuring perfectly. She said she didn't see any major markers for down syndrome or dwarfism, but that doesn't mean they can't still show up. She said you can still have down syndrome and be very healthy. With dwarfism, she said most of them time the real markers don't show up until the third trimester...

The not so good things....

Her arms and legs are measuring three weeks behind. And the first thing I thought of was "Hmm...three weeks huh? Three weeks ago is when I started all this crazy medication." So of course I'm worrying that these drugs may have stunted the growth of her limbs. I actually thought about this after we left, so I didn't get to ask the doctor about it. Her weight is also in the 10th percentile. But the doctor said that is because of her legs, since the legs carry a lot of the weight. So since her legs are not measuring where they should be, her weight isn't either. My mom said I was 6 pounds 2 oz when I was born. So of course I'm trying to think of ways I can at least get her to 6 pounds for delivery. But I know there's really nothing I can do about it. Just keep taking my vitamins and eating I guess. And praying.

Where do we go from here?

We have to go back to the specialist for another growth scan on February 21st. And will most likely be getting these every few weeks until she is born. They want to make sure she is at least growing on her own growing curve. The way the doctor explained it is that if she keeps growing at at least the same pace that she has (even though it's slow) then that's good. That would probably mean she is just going to be a peanut. However, if the growth scans from here on out show that she is not growing on her "curve" at all or if it plateaus, then unfortunately that probably means there is a bigger issue. The doctor said it's our choice to do an amnio, but she doesn't recommend it at this stage of the pregnancy. I wouldn't do one anyways. Can't change the outcome and only puts her and I in more danger.

So all we can do now is pray and pray some more. And hope that her legs and arms keep growing on "her own growing curve" at least. We were so confused and stressed yesterday that we forgot all the numbers the doctors gave us regarding her length and weight, so I am going to call them this morning to get them again.

Yesterday, was just a really hard day overall. And to make matters even worse, my husband and I got into a huge fight. Probably the worst fight we've ever had. I'm sure it stemmed from all the pressure and stress we've been under but yesterday he ended up with his parents crying his eyes out and I ended up at my parent's crying my eyes out. We both just snapped. And everything came crashing down around us. I'm happy to report that we did make up and I did come home. But yesterday was just mentally, physically and emotionally exhausting for us both.

I was actually starting to feel better yesterday morning after starting the prednisone. I was finally able to breathe! But with the events of yesterday I think it set me back, as I'm feeling like crap again today. So today I plan to just get myself together and get myself feeling well.

What's one more drug...

2012-01-23T19:23:00.000-05:00

Had to make a visit to my primary doctor today. My OB wanted me to see him in a few days to make sure I was getting better. She was worried about pneumonia. But after yesterday and last night I knew I couldn't wait to be seen again. Basically, my albuterol neb isn't helping me much at all. It gives me relief for about 20 minutes and then I'm back to feeling like my lungs are on fire. And I can only do the neb treatment every four hours. My doctor decided to put me on Prednisone (which is a steroid) for a few days. He called and talked to my OB first to get the okay. Am I thrilled that I have to take another drug and expose my baby to it? Hell no. Do I need to feel better? Yes.

I can deal with feeling sick, but not being able to breathe is just so horrible. Tomorrow is our appointment with the specialist to find out about Samantha's legs. I was going to bring a list with me of all the meds I have taken so far and have her tell me the truth on how it might be affecting my baby. But my husband made a good point by saying do we really want to know? And he's right. There is nothing we can do about it. I'm praying so hard that she is okay and these drugs are not negatively affecting her in any way. That's all I ask is for her to be safe and healthy. I keep rubbing my belly and apologizing to her for me being sick and taking all these drugs.

If you wouldn't mind saying a quick prayer tonight for us and our baby, we would be so grateful! I will let you all know how the appointment goes tomorrow...

So sick...and so sick of FEAR...

2012-01-22T16:21:00.000-05:00

I'm not sure if I mentioned it, but I've been feeling like crap all week. My asthma has been acting up as it always does when the weather turns really cold. But it's accompanied by a nasty dry cough that makes the asthma even worse. I've been coughing so hard that I've thrown up a few times. Well, more like it comes up my throat a bit. Gross. And a few times I thought I was going to pass out or fall over from not being able to catch my breath while coughing. I've been wheezing, sleeping like crap and my ventolin inhaler has been pretty much useless.

Unfortunately, this morning I felt even worse and knew it was time to go to Urgent Care. I know the whole "If I can't breathe, baby can't breathe" speech and I full understand it. But it doesn't take away the fact that I am SCARED OUT OF MY MIND how this might be negatively affecting our baby. The urgent care doctor checked me out and said I have Bronchitis and he gave me an albuterol nebulizer treatment in the office. Which right after my lungs did feel a bit better. Although, I immediately started feeling some cramping :( I have a big fear of nebulizer treatments because the last time I actually had to have one was a little over two years ago, just days before we miscarried. So I was sent home from urgent care with a script for another z-pack and instructions to do the neb every four hours.

Something else that has me in complete fear is that for the past three and a half weeks I have been on some sort of antibiotic. First there was the z-pack the urgent care prescribed for an upper respiratory infection, then was the visit to the hospital where they put me on IV antibiotics and then they sent me home with Macrobid for 7 days. Which made me so sick. And now I'm back on a z-pack AND neb treatments.

What sucks is that I did another neb treatment a little while ago and it barely helped any :( Made my heart race and made the baby go crazy in my stomach. Which makes me sad because I know that means the meds are making her heart race too, that's why she's moving so much. And then after the treatment I started cramping again.

I did call and speak to my OB. I'm sure she was so happy to get my call on a Sunday afternoon, but whatever. I just needed to be sure that all these meds weren't going to kill my baby. And she (kind of) assured me they wouldn't. But she does want me to follow up with my primary doctor in a few days to make sure I'm getting better, because she's worried about pneumonia which is basically like one of the worst illnesses that can happen to you while pregnant. She even mentioned I might need a steroid or an x-ray. An x-ray huh? Like an x-ray they don't want pregnant women to have? Great. Not to mention I'm still in major stress/freak out mode about the recent news about Samantha's legs :( That appointment is on Tuesday.

Also, and my husband thinks I'm crazy for thinking this, but I feel like the baby has dropped. With all the coughing I've been doing it seems like a real possibility to me. I actually noticed it today that my bump doesn't seem to be as high up as was, it's more droopy now and not as hard :( Who knows...I could be crazy...

I would just really like to check myself into a hospital and stay there until April. I feel like we are always at the doctor's office or hospital dealing with some crisis. And not to mention all the money spent on co-pays and meds. I have a list on my fridge of upcoming appointments and I'm not even joking there are ten of them on there..well no now there's eleven if I include the follow up with the primary doc I'm supposed to make.

I know this post may sound like I'm a big complainer. But I'm just venting. I'm so tired of being sick and I'm so tired of living in fear that all these meds might be hurting our baby. I think it's one of the scariest feelings ever. Knowing that you HAVE to take these meds to get better and keep yourself alive but at the same time having no clue if it's affecting the baby. And I have a feeling it might get worse this week before it's gets better. I'm pretty sure my primary doctor is going to add a steroid to my albuterol neb. Because the last neb I just didn't really help at all. I want to take a nap, but it's kind of scary trying to sleep when you can't breathe!

If you are the praying type, please keep us in your prayers that I miraculously start feeling better and that our specialist u/s for Samantha goes well on Tuesday. I really really really appreciate it :)

26 Weeks

2012-01-21T06:00:00.000-05:00

We are 26 weeks today! Two more weeks and we'll be in the third trimester!! HOLY COW.

The specialist's office called me back yesterday! The woman I spoke with was so nice. She said "I know you are scared and worrying so I did my best to get you in quickly." We now have an appointment for Tuesday morning! Thank goodness I don't have to wait very long. Praying praying praying that our girl is okay!

Thank you...

2012-01-20T11:02:00.000-05:00

I just wanted to thank you all for your love, prayers and supportive comments on my last post. You sure do know how to make a girl feel not alone and loved!! :)

Still no news on when our specialist appointment is. I called the specialist's office directly this morning, but no one picked up so I left a message. I just wanted to make sure they have my charts and are working on getting me an appointment. Pushy? Yes. Do I give a crap? NOPE.

So hopefully they will return my call today and even better call back with an appointment date!

I'm realizing I can't do anything about this situation except pray. I can't make her legs grow longer...I can't change things...I just have to hope and pray that this is just another little hiccup and that she's just going to be a little peanut. But of course things play over and over in my mind like did I take/eat something that stunted the growth of her legs? Like my ventolin inhaler for example. It's a category c. And I really was not happy about having to use it, but my asthma has been worse lately (think I'm getting a cold) and I've had to use it a lot! Of course, I keep thinking...it's the inhalers fault!!! But I know that is probably not true. But I do keeping thinking of what I could have changed to maybe make her legs grows a bit more.

Funny thing is, is that Samantha was kicking me A LOT yesterday. Could have been little punches too. But I was thinking to myself "For this nugget to have such little legs, those little legs sure do pack a punch!" :) Maybe it was her way of telling me that she is perfectly fine in there and that the doctor's have no idea what they are talking about. I wish that was the case :)

We appreciate all the prayers! So please keeping them coming :)

Freaking the hell out.

2012-01-19T11:09:00.000-05:00

So I get a call this morning from my OB. My doctor leaves a message to call back. My ACTUAL doctor. "This can't be good, " I thought. My first thought was that they found something else in my urine culture from my L&D visit last Monday and were calling to tell me I needed to be on a different antibiotic. Because they did say it could take awhile to get the culture back.

I call the office back and my doctor gets on the phone and starts explaining to me that at my last u/s at the hospital last week (when I had my second visit in two weeks to L&D) that the u/s tech found that the baby's legs were very short. Meaning, they COULD be abnormally short. She was using the word "abnormality" and it was scaring the shit out of me. She asked me how tall I was and I said "5'0" (but actually I think Im 4'11 1/2, I just round up sometimes) and she said that it could very well be nothing at all since I'm so short and my husband is only 5'8-5'9. But that I have to get a follow up u/s. She said I could have one with them, but if they think it needs further examination they are just going to send us to a specialist. And that it was up to me what I wanted to do. So my first response was that we'd just go see the specialist and get a definite answer. But she said it can take up to two weeks sometimes to get in to see him. She did tell me not to worry that it could be nothing, etc. But who is she kidding? I AM A MESS RIGHT NOW. I am googling the hell out of this and worrying that our precious girl has dwarfism or something. Now, we will love her no matter what, but this has me FREAKING OUT BIG TIME. No one wants to hear something could be wrong with their baby :(

After thinking about it, I called back the OB office to see if it was possible for me get in an u/s with them sooner and if they still think something is wrong to just keep the specialist appt. But the nurse said my doctor said it's better to have a week or two in between to show some growth. So now I have no choice but to wait and worry for almost two weeks maybe. They are supposed to call me back with a date for my appt. And they better call me back TODAY.

What I don't understand is how it took ELEVEN days for me to get this phone call. I had that u/s 11 days ago. I could be seeing the specialist this week. And what else pisses me off is that the u/s tech said everything looked great with the baby!! I know maybe they aren't allowed to say, but that's bullshit! So we all left there that night thinking our baby is just perfect and doing well! :(

I am just PRAYING TO GOD that our little girl is just tiny with short legs and that nothing is wrong :( I went back through her u/s pictures just now and the last one from eleven days ago DOES show her legs looking very very very short :( Please say a prayer for us that everything is okay :(

Does anyone else have experience with this?

How am I supposed to function for the next few weeks??! :( I'm a freaking mess.

100 Days!

2012-01-19T08:31:00.000-05:00

100 days until our due date!!! I'm wondering if it will fly by or drag on. My husband said he already feels like time is slowing down. But I sort of think it might fly by, up until like a few weeks before and then I'm sure it will feel like there are 100 hours in a DAY! There's just so much to prepare for in the next 100 days. A room to paint, baby furniture to put together, decorating, childbirth/breastfeeding classes, a baby shower! And my brother's wedding in March! My birthday in April....

Thanks for all your kind words and prayers about my Nana! She is still in the hospital but doing okay. Still in some pain. They think she might have arthritis around her spine. And she will probably be in the hospital through the weekend and then off to a rehab hospital for a few days! I just want her to feel better. But she does seem to be in good spirits and is of course exercising her sense of humor :)

This is in my house

2012-01-18T13:52:00.000-05:00

Say what?

Never a dull moment

2012-01-17T19:45:00.001-05:00

So (hmm I realize I start many of my paragraphs off with the word "so," habit I guess) Saturday was my lovely Nana's 90th birthday party and then Sunday was her actual birthday. Monday night I get a call from my mom saying that my Nana has been in the ER all day at a hospital down where she lives. She was experiencing excruciating back pain and leg pain. Although the small hospital down there decided they wanted to transfer her to a bigger hospital up near us for more tests. So last night she was transported by ambulance up here. They are running all kinds of tests and xrays to figure this out. But for now she is in a lot of pain. We went and visited her today at the hospital. She seems to be doing okay, but in some pain and tired. Thankfully, the problem doesn't seem to be any of her organs so that's a good thing. But the doctor hasn't made a diagnosis or treatment plan yet. And also, my step mom is having hip surgery at the same hospital tomorrow!! I feel bad for my Mom and Step dad. Last Monday night they were in Labor and Delivery with us, last night they were at the hospital with my Nana until 4:30 in the morning, and today my mom was there all day again AND my step dad had to take his best friend to another hospital because of congestive heart failure. Like I said, never a dull moment...

When I had first talked to my mom this morning to see how the night went with my Nana, she told me how the doctor came in last night and said he had one last question for her. He wanted to know what her wishes were for being resuscitated if need be. My mom said she took the doctor's hand and said " Oh honey, you do everything and anything you can do to keep me alive. I have a baby great-granddaughter coming in April that I have to meet. And two of my grandsons are getting married. So you do whatever you have to do. After that, I don't care if you "Kevorkian" me!." So of course, after hearing that I started crying my eyes out!!! Funny though, because my mom is her health care proxy and my mom said that she had chosen years ago to sign a DNR! So I guess she's changed her mind :)

Belly button question: When does the "snooze button" belly button happen? IF it happens that is. I know not everyone gets an outtie during pregnancy but I want one! And the "snooze button" reference is from the movie Juno :) Also, I don't think I have a Linea Nigra yet? I have stretchmarks but I don't think a Linea Nigra has showed yet. Unless it's really light and I just can't see it.

400th post!

2012-01-15T06:00:00.001-05:00

In honor of my 400th post, I'd like wish this cool lady a HAPPY 90th BIRTHDAY!!!

My Nana turns 90 today! Not the greatest picture as I'm still learning to use my new camera and there's a glare off her glasses. You can't really see it but she's wearing the crown I bought her that says "It's my 90th Birthday." Yesterday, my mom and aunt threw her a big birthday party! I think about 200 people may have come through! She is so loved! And one of my other aunts had a bag piper come play for her. She loves bag pipes! It was a really nice party honoring such a lovely person :) I can't believe she's 90! Love you Nana!

My Nana is also sharing this birthday week with another cool lady...

Betty White turns 90 this week!!

I can't believe this is my 400th post. I must have had a lot to say! Thank you for sticking around through it all...the happy posts...the sad posts...the boring and exciting ones! :)

Baby Rutabaga

2012-01-14T06:00:00.000-05:00

We are 25 weeks today!! The baby weighs about as much as a rutabaga! She's also starting to grow baby fat and some more hair!

I'm starting to become more and more curious about what she will look like :) Eyes? Hair color? Will she look more like me or my husband? Or will she be a combo of the both of us? :)

We're also making a little progress on the nursery. My husband painted the cradle for when she first comes home. And the crib set was ordered by my Dad and Step-mom but we have to go get it. And then my Mom ordered the bedding for us. Which is at her house. We definitely want to get the nursery painted before the shower! So that will be happening in the next week or two.

Thanking God for each week that passes and she's still safe and growing inside me!

Ok, off to a big birthday bash for my Nana who turns 90 tomorrow! 90!!!

My feet are happy

2012-01-13T16:11:00.000-05:00

Today I went and got a much needed pedicure! My mom gave me a gift certificate for Christmas, so I was able to use that. Pregnancy does not do nice things for your feet. Mine have already gone up a full size and a half and they are just so achy and swollen! I've been dying to get a pedicure for longest time. I think the last time I got one was during the summer. And luckily I got a gift certificate for Christmas! Let me tell you, I now think pedicures while pregnant are the most fantastic things. Go get one. Pedicures are great even if you aren't pregnant but my swollen feet were in heaven today!

It was kind of strange (in a good way) sitting in that big massage chair with my big old belly sticking out. Occasionally I would look down at my swollen feet and white legs and thank God for this amazing pedicurist (is that a word?) and for my Mom who gave me the gift of a pedicure :) I even picked a fun purple color, whereas normally I go with a red or pinkish color.

At one point, in walked the cutest little girl (probably about 4 or 5) with her grandma. The grandma was getting a manicure and the little girl was just getting her nails and toenails painted. She was so excited! And so adorable! She was just chatting away with the manicure lady the whole time. I couldn't help but watch her and smile and think "Wow, I'm actually going to have my own little 4 year old girl someday! And we will get our nails painted together!" When the pedicurist was done with me she put me over by the feet dryer things. All the sudden the little girl comes skipping over to me and sits next to me. She wanted to put her hands and feet under the dryer again, even though she had done that already. So the nail lady turned it on again for her. Well, she sat there chatting away with me about how her and her grandma were going to the mall. I asked her what color she had her nails painted and wouldn't you know she had her toes painted a purple color like mine and her fingernails a reddish color. Also, like mine. Although, I didn't get a manicure, just had painted my fingernails red the other day. I said to her " Oh! Me too!" And showed her my toes and nails and she giggled. I just had this urge to scoop her up and squeeze her. She was so cute and so outgoing. But then she started rummaging through the basket next to the dryers where you throw your "used" flip flops and toe spreader things. And she was just happily picking up and touching each one and was looking for matching toe thingies. Of course I was cringing inside thinking about all the feet and toes that have touched those things and now this poor little girl had no clue. She then said to me (holding up two blue toe things) "Aren't these pretty?" And I said "Ohhhh yeah they are a pretty blue! But I think those might be dirty honey." LOL

I don't think she really heard me, but then her grandma called her and she was gone. Hope grandma has some sanitizer in the car :)

In my Daughter's eyes...

2012-01-12T19:38:00.000-05:00

Crazy Dream

2012-01-12T15:09:00.001-05:00

Last night I had the craziest dream.

It was the day of my baby shower but the baby shower took place at the Kentucky Derby. There were tons of people there and the people sat in the stands while I opened the gifts. And I remember the chair I was sitting in, the legs of it were sitting in part of a lake and there were waves that kept getting everything wet.

Then at some point I had a glass of wine in my hand, but was so confused because of course I can't drink while pregnant! And then I went into our house (a huge house) which happened to be at the Kentucky Derby and we had a cat. But the cat kept throwing up all over the place. And my husband was running around trying to clean it up and then I remembered the litter box was full but that we had forgotten to empty it in like a year.

Then I walked into the dining room and I sat down at the table which was crowded with a bunch of men. They were all deep in conversation, so I just sat and watched. All the faces at the table were blurry to me except at the head of the table, was my Uncle Jim who passed away years ago. We were really close to him and his wife was my Aunt "Rhodie." Her real name was Roselyn, which is going to be Samantha's middle name. I just sat there at watched him talk with the other men. But what was amazing was that he looked so good! His face was full and young and healthy! And the big bright window behind him happened to be the window that was in their dining room at their house. Although my uncle didn't seem to see that I was there. I wanted so badly to interrupt his conversation and run over to him and tell him that we were using Roselyn as the baby's middle name. I know he would have liked that. But I'm sure he already knows this....

And then at some point in the dream, a bunch of climbed through this man made hole in the ground up to a look out spot. It was so weird! I can remember feeling the dirt and all of us climbing through. It was dark and I was feeling so claustrophobic. There was so much more to the dream which is hazy now and I can't remember. But I do remember waking up this morning and thinking "What the HELL was that??" :)

Little Lessons Learned

2012-01-11T14:37:00.001-05:00

Here are some of the little lessons I've learned while pregnant and/or visiting Labor & Delivery...

"Baby Brain" does exist. I totally find myself forgetting words, forgetting things, and just generally feeling off kilter in the organization department.
I have to remember to bring a variety of "breathable" socks with me when it's delivery time. I found myself sweating to death on the bed. When my feet are hot...the rest of me is hot!
Or get regular pedicures as I get closer to my due date. My feet are a hot mess right now, so swollen, nail polish chipping off. While we were at the hospital I was disgusted with my feet, so if I'm gonna go "no socks" on delivery day I'd at least like my swollen piggies to look somewhat presentable.
Grooming the lady parts is pretty much non existent right now. I can't even see down there. So it's for the most part a lost cause.
I've learned that I will lose all dignity and modesty. For example, Saturday and Monday in the hospital I had about 4 people all up in my junk at the same time. A free show for all. Normally, I'm a very modest girl. And I know come delivery I won't give a crap if it's the cafeteria cook up in there I'll just want baby out safely! But for now, I'm trying to keep some modesty and my recent visit to L&D made that very hard!
What's also cool is not being able to bend and reach like I used to to shave my legs normally. So I now have the "halfsies" thing doing where just the bottom portion of my legs get shaved. And not very well, btw.
My wardrobe is probably the saddest it's ever been, but I don't care, I have a beautiful baby growing inside me! Although, I never thought I would ever actually miss regular jeans. Like a great fitting pair of jeans that make you feel good!
Tying my sneakers is becoming difficult. And I only have three pairs of shoes right now. Flip flops for when I'm home, sneakers, and a pair of dressier boots.
I'm sure I've learned many other things while pregnant but the "baby brain" is settling in :)
Anyone take Macrobid before? It's making me SO sick :(

***LOL. I've gotten some comments on how I've remained modest so far after all the infertility treatments. Truth is it freaked me four years ago when I started the treatments. However, it seems like at the IF clinic they covered you up a little more. At L&D there is no covering, it's just all out there for everyone and their mom to see! ****

My heart is full.

2012-01-10T19:11:00.000-05:00

My friend over at the blog MissConception posted this today. She and her husband had 40 memory trees planted in honor of our lost babies. And I am so honored that they planted one for our lost baby. Seriously, made me cry...

She and her husband lost their twin babies at 20 weeks. And went on to plant trees in their honor. Now, their angel twins will have lots of trees growing up with them big and strong. They are not alone now.

Thank you friend for this amazing gift :)

Should I just move in?

2012-01-10T10:53:00.003-05:00

To the hospital, that is.

We made another visit to L&D last night :( I was so on the fence if we should even go, because I didn't want to be the crazy girl who is there every other day! Yesterday morning I was having more aches and pains. And they got increasingly worse throughout the day. By 5pm I had taken Tylenol and tried the heating pad, but it wasn't helping. By this point I'm tears, not from the pain but from the anxiety of having to go back there and just sad that I can't "be normal." Normal I guess meaning an uneventful pregnancy, but I know that I'm not alone and that a lot of women have issues. It's just been such a fight from even the beginning trying to get pregnant, would it be too much to ask to just breeze through these months? I guess so.

Everything happened pretty quickly when we arrived. My doctor had called ahead the tests she wanted to be done. The nurse checked my cervix AGAIN...which AGAIN sucked. But thankfully it was closed. They she used a speculum to do a swab test to have sent to the lab to check for preterm labor. Which thank God came back negative. Then they rushed me down to ultrasound. Which was sort of a nice surprise because I didn't think we'd get one but really want to know if she had enough amniotic fluid in there.The u/s took quite awhile but I didn't care because we got to see our baby again and got a few more pictures! She looked great the tech said and her amniotic fluid was good.. The tech then did an u/s of my bladder and kidneys and I didn't have any stones which was good. She also did an internal u/s to check cervical length and my cervical length was long, which was also good news.

When we got back upstairs they hooked me and the baby back up to the monitors and she was moving like crazy. Very active! The attending doctor came in and said all the tests look good but that my urine showed I am still a bit dehydrated and have some "sludge" in there. There is also still a trace of protein which was nothing to worry about. But I should continue taking my macrobid once a day. But then this morning I went to take it and read the bottle completely and it says take one pill TWICE a day. So I called the OB and told them that the hospital on Saturday and last night told me to take it once a day, but that the bottle says twice a day! So they said just start taking two a day from now on and finish out the bottle. Way to go hospital for telling me the wrong thing and way to go me for not catching this mistake two days ago!

The attending doctor then said my OB wanted to put my on an IV drip of Morphine and a nausea med. And a bag a fluids. But that they would have to move me to a different floor because they needed the room. And that I'd be on the drip for 4-5 hours!!! I chose to decline the morphine and nausea med. I was still feeling aches and pains but not enough pain for morphine (just seemed excessive) and I wasn't experiencing any nausea. I then asked if I could fore go the IV fluids and promise to drink lots and lots of water! So he called my doctor back and she said that was fine and we were discharged. So I'm trying really hard to get extra liquid day but water makes me feel so full so quickly. But I'm trying.

While me and the baby were being monitored, the nurse had to come back in and readjusting it because she was moving so much. And one time the nurse left the door open and I heard a baby crying! And the nurse says to me " You hear that baby crying? He was just born five minutes ago!" I was just in complete awe! To think that a woman just have birth to her own miracle just minutes ago a few doors down. Amazing :)

So, we didn't really get a concrete answer about my pain. They said it could very well be that the baby since its so active is pushing on my uterus and belly. And in combination with the UTI, everything might be a little more uncomfortable right now. Basically, I'm realizing that this is something I'm just gonna to have to deal with. We asked them when do we know whether to head to the hospital or if it's nothing. And they said it's always a good idea to get checked out. And I agree. But it's a scary thing. I guess if I'm double over in pain that would be our cue to go again but if it's the same pain I've been feeling, I guess there's not much we can do. I just don't want to risk anything, I would never forgive myself if I waited to long or didn't go to the hospital because I thought it was "nothing." So I know we did the right thing.

Oh and the u/s tech double checked the gender for us...still a baby girl!!! :)

As we were leaving, there was a couple walking down the hall. The girl looked very pregnant and miserable and the guy had his arms full of bags and was smiling. And my husband said "It's been so funny watching these couples come in and out because the girl always looks super miserable and pissed and the guy is smiling ear to ear." Yeah, because the girls are in labor and scared out of their mind and the men are thinking "YAY! It's baby time!" :)

Another trip to Labor & Delivery

2012-01-08T15:32:00.004-05:00

We made another trip to Labor & Delivery last night. Our second one during this pregnancy. Although, this time (so we didn't get yelled at again) we called the Doctor ahead and went to the hospital we are delivering at and not just the closet one.

My MIL had made sutffed shells for dinner last night and made some extra for us. So my husband brought it home and I was heating it up. As I was standing in the kitchen I felt these three quick "contracting" type sensations in the middle of my belly. More so higher up than down low. It wasn't painful, but it wasn't pleasant either. And sort of stopped me in my tracks. I was thinking maybe the were Braxton Hicks? But I wasn't sure and I was a little freaked out. But I just tried to let it go and not go crazy about it. Well I sat down to eat dinner and while I was eating I starting having pain/discomfort all over my belly. Which I've felt something similar before with all my digestive issues, but something about this pain felt different. So I tried to lay down with the heating pad but that didn't help. Then I tried walking around the house. Which helped a little but not too much. So then we decided to call the dr just to see what she thought and that if we should go get checked out. Of course, my dr turned out to be out of town so I had to talk to the dr on call. And he said it would be best to just get checked out and that he would call ahead to the hospital and let them know we're coming. So off we went...

For the next four hours, the baby and I were hooked up to all kinds of monitors. The positive to it all was that we got to hear her heartbeat for a long time and she was moving around a lot. So it was cool (and reassuring) to hear that! I wasn't having any contractions. But my heart rate was high. They also took a urine sample. So we hung out in one of the birthing suites for awhile just hooked up to monitors. Which was pretty surreal to look around and realize that in just a few months I was going to be delivering our baby in one of these rooms! Crazy. Oh! And guess what our nurse's name was? SAMANTHA :) She was really nice. The doctor on duty did check my cervix. Which was NOT pleasant AT ALL. But thankfully, it was closed! So that was good news. A little while later as we are thinking they are going to discharge us any minute, a different and sort of bitchy nurse comes flying in with an IV cart and flips on all the lights. Doesn't even say anything just starts setting things up and Matt and I look at each other like "What the hell is going on?" So I say to bitchy nurse " Ummm what's going on?" And she says (as she's stabbing for a vein) "Oh they found some stuff in your urine so we're just going to give you a bag of fluids and IV antibiotics." And just as I'm about to question her again the attending dr comes flying in and apologizes and said the nurse got here before she could explain it to us. They found some white cells in my urine meaning most likely a UTI. And I was really dehydrated. AND there is a trace of protein in my urine. Which to an IF pregnant person's ears is scary stuff. Protein in your urine can lead to bad things. However they said it was just a tiny trace and nothing to worry about. So they gave the the IV fluid and IV antibiotic and sent me home with a script for Macrobid for 7 days. Which I'm going to be honest scares me a little. I just finished a z-pack last Saturday, last night they pump me full of IV antibiotics and then now I'm on 7 days of another antibiotic. But they assured me it was all safe for the baby.

We didn't really get a concrete answer to why I was having pain. They said it would be from the UTI or just the baby moving funny or braxton hicks. I'm glad I'm being treated for the UTI and I hope everything is okay. Because UTI's can be dangerous for pregnancy too. I was telling my friend earlier that I wish I could just be sedated until April and then have them wake me up when the baby is here. Not that I want to wish away this pregnancy, but I'm just so scared and I just want the baby here safely. And at least close to full term. It's funny because yesterday I was just thinking how good I was feeling lately and that I was finally getting to feel some peace and happiness and confidence with the pregnancy. And then BAM! We end up in L&D. Matt even painted the cradle yesterday before all this!

And then today, I felt a gush of something (and this is TMI) which I was scared was blood and when I checked my pantyliner is was really wet with like a clear liquid/discharge. More than I've ever felt during this pregnancy. It wasn't like A LOT but just enough to make me a little nervous. The doctor on duty last night did say I would be experiencing more discharge as the pregnancy goes on. But it just seemed weird to me that this starts right after our drama last night. I'm just gonna keep an eye on it. Any one else have these issues?

I really hope and pray that we do not see that birthing suite again until April. Please stay put baby girl :)

This made me happy.

2012-01-07T16:51:00.000-05:00

So, I needed to buy more deodorant. And I hate buying deodorant because it's expensive! Well, expensive to me anyways. It's always hurts for some reason to pay $6.00 for it. It's kind of like buying decent razors. You don't want to buy these things but you have to or you will smell and be hairy. Why not buy a cheaper brand you say? Well, because it doesn't work as well. And there are very few things that I HAVE to have the certain brand of and the deodorant is one of them.

I had a coupon for a dollar off one item at CVS. So I went there and decided I would use it to buy the deodorant. I get to the counter and hand the lady my $1.00 off coupon and this is what happened after...

Cashier: "That will be forty cents please."

Me: (in shock) "FORTY CENTS???!"

Cashier: "Yup, forty cents! It was on clearance and combined with your coupon...forty cents!."

Me: WOW, that's amazing!!!! (happily handing over my forty cents)

And then I walked out of CVS with a goofy smile on my face. I think that was the best deal I've ever gotten on anything! I know, I probably sound pathetic, but it just felt great to walk out of a store with something I usually hate spending money on and only paying forty cents for it! :)

Just had to share. You can go back to what you were doing :)

24 Weeks and a belly pic...

2012-01-07T06:00:00.004-05:00

We are 24 weeks today! 6 months!! Craziness :) Baby is about the length of an ear of corn at this point according to Babycenter.

I'm not one for posting belly pics. However, I do LOVE to see other cute pregnant bellies.I'm just very self conscience about my weight and since I was a little heavier with the start of IVF, I have ballooned into a 5'ft mini whale. Which in a way I don't really care, because I am just so grateful to have a baby growing in my belly and I can always work on getting my weight down once she's here! So with that being said, here is a not so great belly pic...but STILL a belly pic! :)

Belly pic disclaimer...

No I am not carrying triplets. Babycenter says my uterus is about the size of a soccer ball right now, so pair that up with a 5'ft girl. And I just ate a big spaghetti dinner :) Ok Ok, I'll shut up already...

Baby shower is in less than a month! Getting excited!

Must you always feed...

2012-01-05T20:47:00.001-05:00

I've noticed I go through these spurts in the pregnancy where hunger pretty much consumes me. Yeah, being pregnant you're usually a little more hungry. But it seems like every few weeks, I'll go through these phases where no matter what I eat I become starving again ten minutes later. Even if I eat a well balanced dinner of meat, a potato or pasta and a vegetable. Doesn't matter, still hungry minutes later. It's really frustrating because half the time I do not want to eat anything more or go searching the kitchen for something to hold over my hunger for another ten minutes. Maybe the baby is having a growth spurt? Maybe that's when I get extra hungry like this? Which, I will do anything for my baby, so if she's hungry I will eat for her. But sometimes I literally just want to cry because I'll have just eaten a well balanced dinner and then minutes later it's like I haven't eaten in days. I mean, last night I had to make scrambled eggs at midnight. I do try to eat a piece of fruit or peanut butter toast or a few pretzels when this crazy hunger strikes. But it doesn't help any! I feel like I'm constantly "feeding!" Which reminds me of a funny line from the movie Juno where her friend said to her something like "God! Must you always feed??!!"

I had my ear appointment with my primary doctor today, which was pretty much a waste of $30.00. I have issues with visiting doctors offices and not getting any "real" information. I know, it was good to just get my ear checked out in case I had like a nest of bugs growing in there or something. But as strange as it may sound I kind of wish he looked in there and found something wrong just so it could be fixed! He did find some scar tissue (which he said could have been from my childhood ear infections and tubes I had put in) but overall he said my ears looked great. No wax problems. No infection. He said I could have had an infection last week when I had the severe pain but obviously it had healed. But my question to him was "Well why can I barely hear then?" To which he replied there could be some fluid hiding out but that if my hearing doesn't get better in a week to go see an ENT doctor. Great, another $30.00. I know I should be grateful to even have health insurance, but the $30 still hurts. So I guess I'm just going to have to wait it out a few days and see what happens. I might just go ahead and make the appointment because, why wait really? If I can't hear well, there must be something going on...

I'm having issues parting with our Christmas tree. I put away all the other decorations, but I sort of wish I could leave the tree up until all the needles falls off. It's just so pretty. I always get a little depressed once Christmas is over. I think Christmas should be like a week long holiday. We'll probably take it down this weekend. I want my husband to take a belly pic of me in front of it. And maybe...just maybe...I'll post it on here. No promises though...

Not that it's anyones goal in life on here to see one of my belly pics :)

OB appointment and missing my Nole...

2012-01-04T18:00:00.001-05:00

Today marks one year since we lost our puppy Nole. He was hit by a car last January and we were beyond devastated. I miss him soooo much. He was a such a great dog and he was definitely my first baby. The night he died I felt like a piece of my heart died too. But I know he is looking over us! And I know he will look over Baby Samantha too! I was so sad that he wouldn't be around to grow up with and protect our future kids. I have a little garden statue of a puppy sleeping with wings in our living room. I'm thinking of moving it to the nursery, maybe on the floor near the crib when the baby comes. That way I'll feel like Nole is right there looking over our little girl...

We love you, Bubba. We think about you all the time and we hope you are running around chasing lots of tennis balls up in doggie heaven :)

Today was also my OB appointment. It was very quick. No wait today and I was in and out. They took a urine sample, checked baby on the doppler (HB great at 140-150 and she was moving around lots!), and then they just took my weight and BP. Met with the NP quick and I was outta there. I have to go back in three weeks for the one hour glucose test and then a week after that to get the rhogam shot (ouch!). I'm really nervous/curious to see if I'll pass the glucose test, because diabetes runs like wildfire in my family. And my brother has had Type 1 since he was little. So I don't really think the odds are in my favor here, but who knows! Maybe I'll get lucky.

Btw...it's freezinggggg here! But I'm kind of liking it. I would like a little snow though. If it's gonna be this cold, it should come with a side of snowflakes! Just a nice change from the unseasonably warm weather we've been having here! Oh...going to the doctor tomorrow for my ears! Some of you talked me into it! I'm nervous if I just ignore this I'll lose my hearing completely. So off I go. I'm sort of starting to feel like an elderly person. You know how your grandma or grandpa has doctor's appt's all the time? Well I'm starting to feel like a waiting room is my second home and that all our money is going towards meds and co-pays. Oh wait, IT IS! Guess it's not much different then the fertility clinic days....

O Happy Day

2012-01-02T20:19:00.000-05:00

I am a happy girl today! My dear friend "K" found out that her second IVF worked! She's pregnant! And I could not be more thrilled for her :) I honestly felt like I was re-living my BFP all over again. Just sheer joy and relief! I burst out crying when she sent me the news and then I left her a sobbing voicemail! Ahhhh, hormones! And we get to be pregnant together for at least a few months! So exciting. Today was a good day.

On another note, I can't hear out of my right ear. I think I ruptured my ear drum last week when I had all that pain and now it just feels strange. My mom said it would heal but I hope it heals quickly! My cough is still around but not as bad. I finished the antibiotics on Saturday. I think the pregnancy is slowing down the healing process. Normally, within a few days of antibiotics, I'm feeling so much better again! And this time it's just draggingggggggggg.......

Now if you'll excuse me I have to go watch "The Bachelor." :) Every year I swear to myself that I'm not going to get back on the Bachelor Train....and then I get sucked in again! It's addicting!

Happy New Year and "Take Home Babies"

2012-01-01T21:03:00.001-05:00

Well friends, today is the first day of a whole new year. And I am pretty excited because it's the year we will bring home our daughter. Something about turning the corner on the new year, makes me feel like we are getting so much closer to meeting her! Still have a few months but I think it's going to fly by. Until the month of April of course when I am counting the minutes until I go into labor! I just pray that she stays cozy inside until at least April. I told her she can come anytime she wants in April but not before. At least then she'll be pretty much fully cooked. I've noticed in the blog world lately a lot of us are using the term "take home baby." I feel bad for us that we have to think this way. Not only do we have to fight to achieve a pregnancy (or an adoption match), but then we have to worry about keeping the pregnancy for nine months and bringing an actual baby home!!! As excited and happy and hopeful we are when we finally get our BFP, it's still an uphill battle. I've noticed there's mix of happiness and sadness in the blog community lately. Lots of new BFP's and babies being born! But also a lot of BFN's and disappointments. I just hope this coming year is filled with more happiness! Because you all deserve it.

Question: What week is viability? I've read all different answers online, but I thought I would just throw the question out there and see what you all say...

Last night we had a low-key New Year's Eve.We got Cheesecake Factory Cheesecake to bring home and just hung out in front of the TV. We didn't think we'd make it to midnight, but we did! And then immediately fell asleep. As we were watching the ball drop in Times Square, I was remembering the time when my brother and I were kids and my mom took us down there to see the ball drop in person. We stayed with a friend of hers and they took us down there. What a memory! We had so much fun but it was soooo crazy! I remember almost getting peed on by a drunk dude. But for the most part it was a blast!

Then today we went to a housewarming party for my brother and his fiancee. They bought a brownstone with his fiancees mom. It's SO pretty and charming! I'm in love with it. And it's really cool because it's side by side, but my brother and his fiancee live in the "half" portion of it. There's a bigger side to the brownstone and a smaller side. My brother and his fiancee bought the smaller side and her mom has the bigger side. It's really pretty amazing. I'm so happy for them! And from what I hear, the people who owned it before them invented Guitar Hero.

I'm asking for prayers for my friend "K" who finds out soon if her second IVF worked!! Oh, I am praying so hard for her because she REALLY deserves this to work! She'd make the best mommy and I'm just hoping and praying with all that I have that it's her turn. It also makes me feel so blessed and thankful that our first IVF worked. I know we are so very lucky. And I just hate that anyone has to go through more than one IVF...

It's a new year. A new start. A new hope for beautiful things to come!!! Happy New Year, blog friends...

Celebrating New Year's Eve...

2011-12-31T06:00:00.003-05:00

We're 23 weeks pregnant today! Baby is about the weight of a large mango! If you had told me last New Year's Eve that I would be 23 weeks pregnant come next New Year's, I probably would have laughed in your face...

So we are feeling very blessed today! And thankful that we are going into 2012 with our baby girl on the way! So much can happen in a year. For those of you still waiting, I hope and pray that 2012 brings you your miracle baby(ies) :)

Have a happy and safe New Year's eve! Cheers!

****Clinking my champagne glass full of orange juice****

Overwhelmed...

2011-12-28T21:35:00.000-05:00

Still sick over here. I think I am getting a little bit better, but still down for the count. Hopefully, these antibiotics will step up their game!!

I've been feeling a bit overwhelmed lately. I'm feeling anxious and just want to have the nursery set up already. Yes, I'm one of those people who need to have everything finished and in it's place to feel like I'm prepared. Yes, I know, I really don't need much when the baby first gets here. But I need to nest. I need to have everything ready. It will just bring me some kind of peace knowing that everything is set up and ready to go. Plus, I have been dreaming about a nursery for YEARS. So, now that my time has finally come, I'm just not cool with a bassinet, a pack of diapers and a few onesies. I want a beautiful space to bring her home to. Our main roadblock with having all this done is money of course. I know I just need to make a list and slowly get it checked off. Our first thing to do is to get the bedding or a piece of the bedding in our hands so we can go pick paint colors that will match. I want to have the room painted before we start setting anything up.

It kind of reminds me of planning a wedding in a way ~~except in the end you are bringing home a human being for the next 18 + years~~.You think of all the things that need to be done and your mind starts spinning, but in the end everything works out and it's a beautiful event! I know that we'll get everything ready for the baby. And I know we have four months to go, but I want to be extra prepared in case this baby comes earlier. I want to spend the last month or so of my pregnancy relaxed and enjoying every moment. I want to go sit in her room and flip through her books and look through all the cute things in her closet :)

Just to be clear, I'm not complaining about feeling overwhelmed. I know I am very lucky to be even having these things to be overwhelmed about. Just needed to blog it out :)

Santa brought me conjuctivitis...

2011-12-27T14:04:00.000-05:00

And an upper respiratory infection...and an ear infection! I totally missed a post for Christmas, but I was too tired and sick to actually post anything. We did have a wonderful Christmas and we were spoiled by our family!! I had started feeling crappy last week, but as we came into the weekend I could feel something "bigger" brewing. By Christmas night I had conjunctivitis in BOTH eyes. Totally gross. It was bad. I won't go into details. By Monday morning, the eye issues combined with the cold and breathing issues (I have asthma) we decided it was time to go to Urgent Care. Both my regular doctor and OB offices were closed. The Urgent care doc told me to start using my inhaler more regularly (even though I'm afraid of hurting the baby) he said if I can't breathe correctly, the baby can't breathe correctly. So I had to get over that fear quick and start using it. I also had a low grade fever. He has me on this gross ointment for my eyes. 6 times a day for 7 days! And a Z-pack antibiotics. He told me to wait a day or two to start the antibiotics to see if I might start feeling better. But I didn't start feeling better. I woke up at 4:30 this morning with an excruciating pain in my ear. The most pain I've ever felt in my life. I was crying like a two year old. It felt like someone had shoved ten knives into my ear and left them there.

I thought I was maybe on the mend last night. My sweet husband went out and got me a Vick's steamer/humidifier for the bedroom and breathe right strips. The strips are awesome by the way, totally helped with congestion. So I looked all sexy in bed last night with my eye ointment smeared all over my eyes, the breathe right strip on my nose and the Vick's steamer going! But then I woke up this morning with the ear pain. It was unbearable. So I ran out when the pharmacy opened and got the antibiotics filled. Thankfully, the excruciating pain in my ear has let up but it still hurts a bit. I'm hoping the antibiotics are working their magic on me today.

I feel so bad for my baby girl. I'm hoping she can't tell what's going on with me. I've heard doctors say before that babies in the womb are kind of like parasites...even when the mom is feeling horrible the baby is still fine and thriving! I'm also worried about all these meds harming her. But I know I need to get better. I just pray she is okay.

There was so much I wanted to get done this week, but it's just going to have to wait until I feel better. We really did have a nice Christmas!! And we were so grateful to be sharing it with our baby girl. One of my favorite gifts from my husband was a pink bib that says "I love Mommy." My mom and Step dad gave me a really nice new camera which I can't wait to figure out how to use! It will be great for taking pics of the baby! And my Dad and step mom gave us a piggy bank with the baby's name on it. We got so many other beautiful, thoughtful and generous gifts!! And it was especially nice just to spend time with family. I can't wait for next Christmas, it's amazing to think she will actually be here with us crawling around!

I hope you all had a beautiful Christmas :)

Without words...

2011-12-26T13:18:00.000-05:00

Well, I have a few words. But they aren't going to be very happy words. I thought I was having a bad day today, until I learned that my good friend E over at manymanymoons has had her heart broken into a million pieces. My bad day doesn't even compare. She and her husband just learned that their adoption match fell through. So many of us thought this was it. We prayed so hard. We were so excited for her. We were so sure this was happening. And then this...

I know she is hurting. So please....PLEASE...if you have a minute please stop over at her blog and show her some support and love...

A letter to my baby girl on Christmas Eve...

2011-12-24T06:00:00.006-05:00

Dear Samantha,

Today you are 22 weeks old inside my belly. And it just so happens to be one of my favorite days of the year, Christmas Eve. I've waited so long to spend a Christmas Eve with you. You are the one gift I would wish for every Christmas and every birthday for almost four years. And now you're here and kicking me and it's the best feeling in the world. You are so wanted. You are so loved...

There might come a day when you're a teenager and we're fighting over your curfew time or how short your skirt might be. So I'm writing this now, so you know just how much your Dad and I love you. And that we'll always love you no matter what...

I hope you'll love Christmas just as much as we do. I can already picture you crawling around the living room next year, trying to pull ornaments off the tree and pulling at wrapping paper. I can picture your sweet face on a Christmas card or sitting up in your crib with Christmas pajamas on reaching up for me...

We can't wait to meet you, baby girl. We love you so much. Merry Christmas...

Love,
Mommy & Daddy

Comments that irritate me...

2011-12-23T06:00:00.005-05:00

Not blogger comments. But comments from random people you might run into during the day...

1) "Wow, you're pretty big already!" (Gee thanks. Way to make a girl feel good about herself)

2) "Get your sleep now because you won't get any once the baby comes!!" (No shit dude, we thought by having a newborn we were going to get more sleep. But hey, it didn't deter you guys, since you went on to have more than one! And besides the human body doesn't work like that. We can't store up sleep for months like chipmunks do with acorns. We realize we are going to be beyond exhausted but we also know it's going to be so worth it)

3) "Don't use binkies, or disposable diapers and don't look your baby in the eye." (That last part was random, but it was said with sarcasm. Most of the time I welcome tips and suggestions, but every once in awhile someone will say something that's completely ridiculous and judgemental)

4) "You want kids? Here TAKE MINE." (Ha. Ha. Ha. Well, aren't you quite the comedian. Actually, yes thank you, I will take yours and I know about 130 women struggling with infertility who would gladly take them as well)

5) " Oh, wow you still have a longggg way to go." (This comment was made by the woman who sold me the snowman ornament yesterday, after she asked me the due date. Actually, Mrs. Claus..she looked like Mrs. Claus..I feel like I've already come a long way. I'm a little more than half way done! Gimme some credit, will ya! She probably felt the need to say #5 after looking at belly and thinking #1) :)

What comments irritate you? Please share :) Go ahead...vent...it feels good...

Lovin' this ornament...

2011-12-22T16:34:00.000-05:00

I found this adorable ornament at a gift shop in our town. It says "Mommy to be" on the baby bump and the store writes the due date in for you. I'm in love with it! :) She's holding an ice cream cone too, which I thought was cute. Even though I haven't been craving ice cream too much!

Thanks for the comments on tips for relieving my cold. I feel like an idiot, but what is a Neti Pot and where do I get one? I've been popping Tylenol and drinking lots of fluids. Decaf tea, OJ and water.

Got my hair cut today and I love it! However, there is no way I will get it looking as nice as the hairdresser did! I guess that's how it always goes. Every time I get my hair cut I have a moment where I consider going to cosmetology school. How great would it be to have your hair looking wonderful...every..single...day...

I think we might get a little snow tonight. Pretty excited about it. Even if it's just flurries. Today it was almost 50 degrees...in New York..in December....and if felt so wrong!

First cold since becoming pregnant. HELP!

2011-12-22T07:14:00.000-05:00

Ughhhh girls, I am feeling like complete crap. And right before Christmas :( Boooo.

It all started yesterday. Sore throat, sniffles, dry cough, sneezing. I woke up this morning and I didn't have a voice at first because my throat is so sore. And my ears are starting to hurt a little. Usually, I can handle a cold just fine by taking dayquil and nyquil and just riding it out. But I don't think there is much I can take now that I'm pregnant. I'm also worried because when I'm sick my asthma tends to get aggravated. It's been pretty good for awhile now, but I'm worried I'm gonna need to use my inhaler or nebulizer and I'm not really comfortable with that with the pregnancy. So, please all suggestions are welcome as to what I can take to help kick this cold and feel better! I'm going to call my OB to see what they say, but I wanted to ask you girls too...

Thanks! :)

Full Speed

2011-12-21T17:58:00.000-05:00

AHHH! I feel like these next few days before Christmas are going to go by at full speed. There's so much going on and so much to do. Today I had lots of errands to run. Same thing tomorrow. And I'm getting my hair did tomorrow :) I just finished cleaning the house (thank God for heating pads because my back is killing me!) I wanted to get it all done, because now I don't think we're going to have extra time this weekend. Sadly, my husband's step-father's mother passed away today. So we have to go to the wake Friday night and then the funeral is early in the morning on Christmas Eve. And my husband's grandpa is in the hospital as of last night! AHH! So much going on. Just going to try and take it one day at a time. And then we are travelling later in the day on Christmas Eve and again on Christmas Day.

Also, I think I am getting a cold. The first one since being pregnant. I woke up with a sore throat and then I've had a dry cough all day. Nervous about this because I don't think there's much I can take for it :(

Today I went and picked up a big bag of baby girl clothes (and a bottle of Dreft!) from my friend Danielle! She had some that her daughter wasn't wearing anymore and she so generously donated them to me! :) They're really cute, too. Samantha is going to be one well dressed little girl :)

I'm finding myself SO starving lately and it's beginning to scare me a little. It's probably the worst hunger I've felt so far. Is this normal? I mean, I'll eat a meal and be hungry again a half hour later. I'm so sick of eating! Sometimes I really don't want to eat but I can't ignore the hungry feeling because it makes me so sick. And I can't go to bed feeling the least bit hungry or I can't sleep!

Oh, thank you all for the comments on my baby movement questions yesterday. Thankfully, I started feeling her again about a half hour after I posted that!

So, I signed onto Yahoo to check my email and I saw this news story. Oh. My. Goodness. Poor baby..or babies??

Throwin' it out there Tuesday...

2011-12-20T14:08:00.001-05:00

We went and registered!! And wow was it exciting and SO OVERWHELMING. There is so much stuff to choose from and we didn't have much of a clue about any of it. So we did the best we could! One thing is for sure, is that baby stuff is expensive! It was a little surreal going around the store with the scan gun and picking stuff out for our baby girl. Wonderful but surreal!
Question about fetal movement! I am 21 weeks and 3 days today. For the past 4 or 5 days or so I have been feeling pretty consistent movement (which is so cool!) but it's still pretty faint. Not hard enough for my husband to feel yet, but it's been pretty consistent. I know I'm probably freaking out over nothing, but I haven't felt any movement today. The last time I felt her was maybe 3 am this morning. This is making me so nervous that something is wrong! I'm trying not to totally freak out and call the doctor though. I've tried everything to feel her today. Walking, sitting, eating, singing to her, drinking some caffeine!!! And nothing yet. Maybe she's just sleeping? I guess my question is, when should I be really concerned?
I know I've mentioned it before but pregnancy has made me a gorilla! My hair (everywhere) is growing at a ridiculous pace! I can't keep up! And the further along and bigger I get the harder it is to shave! Anyone else have this issue? I'm about to give up completely!! Ew. No I can't do that, but oh boy, the hair is winning!
I don't know if it's just pregnancy insomnia, or too much on my mind, or excitement over the baby and Christmas, but my sleep has been way off! For instance, last night I slept in the bed for about two hours (on and off since I get up to pee a lot) and then the last time I laid down I couldn't seem to turn my mind off. So I went out to the living room and sat with the computer and tweaked our registry. I also caught the end of the movie "Knocked Up" on TV and ended up crying my eyes out when she had the baby. This is all at like 3 am. I've been super starving all the time lately so I made myself toast and had an orange. A little while later, starving again. So I had some yogurt. Then I finally laid down on the couch for about an hour and tried to sleep which didn't really work. Then I headed back to the bedroom around 6am where I fell asleep for a little while...
I'm really hoping for a white Christmas! Not like a blizzard where we won't be able to drive anywhere but just some flurries or a dusting of snow would be nice! The weather has been so weird here lately!!! I like my Summers hot and and sunny, my Falls sunny and cool, my Winters snowy and cold and my Springs lukewarm and green! Is that too much to ask? :)
Caramel is delicious. Just sayin.
I'm getting my hair washed, cut and styled by a professional on Thursday! And I'm excited about it. I know that's not normally a big deal as most people do this all the time. But I try to save money by just having my Mom trim my ends once and awhile. I can't really remember the last time I was at a salon to have my hair cut. Shocking, I know. I have a gift certificate to a salon that I've been holding onto since my birthday. I was going to save it for maybe my baby shower or my brother's wedding, but I've been feeling so frumpy lately that I thought I would just go and get my hair cut!

The Perfect L&D Song

2011-12-19T06:00:00.004-05:00

We heard this "oldie but goodie" at my husband's work Christmas party the other night. I decided it would be the perfect song to have playing while giving birth to Samantha...

Can you imagine? :)

Our Christmas Card

2011-12-18T06:00:00.003-05:00

21 Weeks

2011-12-17T06:00:00.001-05:00

We are 21 weeks today! Baby Samantha is about the length of a carrot. A very cute carrot, that is...

I met my mom for lunch yesterday and tried to get some Christmas shopping done. Very hard to do on a very low budget, but we are working with what we've got. All the stores and malls and ROADS were insanely busy and the day itself was incredibly frustrating. I think the older I get the less patience I have for rude people or just people in general. The highlights of the day were lunch with my mom and a sweet deal I got at Baby Gap. I had an Old Navy gift card in my wallet from forever ago, that had $8.00 left on it. And Gap honors Old Navy cards. So as I was browsing all the cute (and expensive) Baby Gap stuff I found this pink knit beret with a big white pom pom on top. It was so cute, I just had to get it! There was only one left and it was just the right size for Samantha come next fall/winter. However it was $16.00. But I knew I had the $8.00 on the card, so it seemed reasonable. I take it up to the counter, give the cashier my gift card and wait for her to tell me exactly how much I owe. She says to me " Would you like your change back on the card or in cash?" Turns out the hat was on sale for $6.00!!! :) Made my day.

I think I may have been feeling movement the past few days!!! At first I thought it was just gas or something weird, but then I realized it's stayed pretty consistent. Still very faint, the movement isn't enough for my husband to feel it, but I can feel it! And I'm getting so excited about it!

Ok, so is it normal that I have to pee every ten minutes?? I'm not exaggerating. I pee all the time it seems. Even if I pee and then sit down on the couch and then get up 5 minutes later...it feels like my bladder is full again! And I can go. It's not just I feel like I have to go...I can actually go...

I know it's probably pressure from the baby and probably very normal. But I am a little concerned. I'm up every hour to go in the night, which doesn't freak me out as much. Although, during the day I'm peeing every 10-15 minutes!

Anybody else pee this much??! :) Help!

Newlymoms

2011-12-16T08:00:00.001-05:00

Ya know, like Newlyweds...but instead describing women who are about to become Moms...

Last night I caught up with E from Many Many Moons at her house. A house that is decorated just perfectly for Christmas :) The first thing I saw upon walking in the door was a stroller and a car seat and I think the only words out of my mouth were "SHUT UP." It was a wonderful sight to see. And a few feet away from the stroller was a pack n play and then a few feet from that a table FULL of baby supplies. Also a wonderful (and crazy!) sight to see!

We talked about our babies that are coming and how insane it all is. Just a few months ago we were both very much baby-less. So to be where we are right now is just amazing. I am SO excited for E and her husband as they wait for the call that their son is being born. They have a ton of thoughts and emotions going on in their heads and I don't blame them! But I just know in my heart this is their baby...their time...their miracle...

We were discussing how nuts it is that we know so little about infant care. And what to do and not to do with a newborn baby. I mean what the hell have we been doing the last few years as we waited for our babies?! I guess we could have been studying up :) Oh well. We're all about the "learn as you go and hope you don't mess baby up for life" plan.

Before I left she showed me how they learned to swaddle a baby in their infant care class the other night. She grabbed a wooden snowman from the shelf (which was about the size of a newborn) and showed me her swaddle skills. I then suggested she she put the fleece teddy bear hat that was laying on the table on the snowman. And then we tried the snow-baby out in the new car seat, of course.

Can't wait for her little man to arrive!! Our babies will definitely be having a play date this summer :) Playdate? Babies? What? So much is changing.

For the better.

Nuttin' but love...

2011-12-14T10:34:00.000-05:00

Feeling so blessed today. So many of our friends and family have been showering this little girl with love and gifts already! She's already spoiled and isn't even fully cooked yet! I have to say it feels a bit strange (and wonderful!) to be on the receiving end of baby gifts. For years I always loved shopping for baby gifts for everyone else and living vicariously through them. But now, things have changed. I'm almost in denial a little bit and thinking that all those adorable things that are accumulating in Samantha's nursery are for someone else. I go in there a few times a day just to stare at the itty bitty clothes hanging in the closet. And then I get daydreaming about the nursery all complete and set up. My heart swells up when I tell myself "This is happening. This is your baby girl."

This week we've received so many gifts! My friend Jill (who owns an Etsy shop) sent us the cutest handmade headbands and a travel wipe case. And it's not just any travel wipe case, she custom designs it and covers in it cool fabric! Check out her Etsy shop here. She makes really awesome things for babies and toddlers and can also make adult things too! I've ordered from her a few times!

We also received a surprise package from my cousin Jenny in CA. She sent us so many cute things! And Samantha's first ever ornament! It's a snowman that lights up and has her name on it!

And then yesterday my friend Kristen gave us a couple adorable outfits and a headband! And in the bag was this beautiful pink frame that reads " Faith is not believing that God can, it's knowing that He will." How perfect!

Can't believe there's only 11 days until Christmas! I feel like this month is flying by.

Blog Award!

2011-12-13T06:00:00.001-05:00

Thank you to Baby Hopes over at Chasing Our Stork: From ART to Adoption for this lovely award! I like awards. Who doesn't??! :)

With this award, we are asked to list 7 things that the blog world may not know about us! And then pass it on to 15 other bloggers. However, because I'm being lazy, I may only pass the award onto 5 bloggers. And I'm going to try to find 5 that I haven't already given an award to. Just trying spreading the love around.

7 Things you ladies probably don't know about me...

1) I took dance lessons for about 9 years when I was younger. Tap, Ballet, and Jazz. And I loved it. I can't really remember the reason why I stopped doing it. My mom has about a million pictures of me in frilly cute dance costumes. However, some of them were like one piece sequin spandex jumpers, that didn't flatter ANYONE...even four year olds :) I plan on putting my little girl in dance someday, but I'm not going to force it like a stage mom or anything. If she wants to quit, she can quit. But I used to love it as a kid!

2) I kind of have a "blankie." It's a navy blue down throw that my mom bought me from Target during my second year of college. And I still have it. And use it. Everyday. I've been through a lot with this blanket! If this blanket could talk it would have a lot to say!

3) My middle name is Jane.

4) I worked at Starbucks for awhile in college. What's funny about that is I hated the taste of coffee at that time in my life. I like it now, but hated it then for some reason. However, Starbucks Vanilla Chai Frappacinnos are the bomb. But they're like a zillion calories.

5) I have a slight obsession with Orange Juice. Even before I got pregnant, I've had this obsession. It's just so good and I have to have it every day! I get a little panicky when I realize we are almost out of it.

6) I once accidentally spilled a cup of soda onto someones airplane seat on a flight from Hawaii. And I was travelling alone. I had the drink in my hand and was getting up to let someone out into the aisle and I didn't realize that I was dumping soda into an empty seat in front of me. However, the guy who's seat that was saw the whole thing as he was walking back from the bathroom. And he was pissed! I apologized profusely and even offered to switch seats with him. But he decided to be a jerk and just be pissed and sit in the wet seat. I was so embarrassed.

7) Thanks to typing out #4, my husband and I just returned from Starbucks. I blame pregnancy cravings. I got a vanilla chai frappaccino and he got an egg nog latte. Good thing we normally don't get coffee from Starbucks because our wallet just took a hit! And that leads me to my real #7...I've never tried egg nog!

I now pass this award on to the following bloggers...

1) Jenny @ Abbey's Road

2) Candice @ Candy Land

3) Sunnyside Up @ How do you like your eggs? Fertilized...

4) Caroline @ Where are you Baby Bubba?

5) K @ A Cup of Tea

Two years ago today...

2011-12-12T06:00:00.000-05:00

Two years ago today we lost our first baby. The events of that week are engraved in my head forever. In the course of one week, we went from shock and cloud nine to shock and complete sadness. We had taken a day trip into the city on the 5th to see the tree and Rockette's show. We walked all around the city. And I noticed that I didn't quite feel right. For a few weeks prior to that day trip I had been getting cramps on and off and my period hadn't shown yet. But the LAST thing I was thinking was that I was pregnant. But as the day wore on in the city, I just felt weak and tired and almost feeling like I was going to pass out. On the train ride home, we were watching this little girl in the seat across from us play with her dad. And my husband says " We'd have really cute kids." And then he asked if I had gotten my period yet and that maybe I should just test just in case. Of course, I gave him an eye roll like as if saying "Honey, I'm infertile. Highly unlikely we'd be pregnant." And if any of you are confused, my infertility ~~nightmare~~ journey began in my previous marriage. So the next morning, I woke up and went to the bathroom. I remembered I had one pregnancy test under the sink and thought "Hey, what the hell." So I took the test and before I could even reach for some toilet paper, TWO lines appeared!! I think I just sat on the toilet and cried and prayed and thanked God for this amazing turn of events. My husband had gone to watch football. So I wanted to do something fun to surprise him with the news later. I then went to the mall and bought a Mets bib. I put it in a box with the positive pregnancy test. That evening he opened it and was SHOCKED but soo happy!

Then Tuesday came. We went to my parents house to tell them the good news, but that didn't turn out so well as I started spotting that evening. Spotting and FREAKING out. I was able to get an emergency appt with the OB for the next morning. We drove in a blizzard up there to get to the appt. Where they took blood, did an u/s and and exam. As far as they could tell everything was okay. So our hopes went back up. The next day I got a call at work that they needed me to get on progesterone supplements right away because my progesterone was really low. And that they wanted me to get blood work the next day. I did as I was told! And then Friday morning I got a call from OB. Basically, saying I'm sorry but you are going to miscarry. My BETA numbers were dropping. I almost collapsed in the hallway. My heart broke into a million pieces and I had to leave work right away. The next morning, December 12th, I ended up in L&D miscarrying our baby. It was the worst day of my life.

I just couldn't understand how we were giving such a miracle, only to have it taken away. It took a long time to heal from that heartbreak and honestly I'm still healing from it. Even now, after being blessed with this baby girl growing inside me. The doctor kept reassuring us that we got pregnant once that it will happen again and that women are "extra" fertile after a miscarriage. So of course we had SO much hope that it would happen. But it didn't. Two years later, lots of IUI's and shots and one IVF cycle, and we finally have our miracle. But we will never forget our first baby...

On a happier note....here is a picture of the bedding we chose! :)

The Lamp

2011-12-11T06:00:00.002-05:00

Isn't it so pretty?? :) Our first item for Samantha's nursery.

I think we have decided on bedding too. Which I will post soon! Ironically, it's made by a company called "My Baby Sam." How funny!

I know some people may think it's early to start planning/buying nursery stuff! But it's letting me"nest" and put my mind at ease. And it's making me super happy, so it can't be that bad right? :)

Her closet is filling up quick too! Thanks to my mom and some great friends!

Banana Baby

2011-12-10T06:00:00.002-05:00

We are 20 weeks today!! Halfway! Baby is about the length of a banana. A GIRL banana :)

We made our first nursery purchase today! The most beautiful table lamp ever created. It's got a crystal-like base and the shade is all fuzzy and frilly with giant pink roses on it. So girly and SO AWESOME :) I love it. I will have to post a picture soon...

I am so excited for my friend E over at the blog manymanymoons!!! Looks like she and her husband are finally getting their miracle. An adoption has come through for them!!! Holy cow! I can't contain my excitement over it :) :)

Been having horrible back spasm/pain the last few days.When I'm home, the heating pad is like attached to me. Yikes, I love you baby girl, but what are you doing to my body??

In other good news (I like that there's a lot of good news out there lately!) one of my good friends got the green light to start her second attempt at IVF yesterday :) Woo-hoo! I know this time it's gonna work! It HAS too. I am so proud of her for picking up the pieces and moving forward :) Nothing is going to get in the way of "Mission: BABY!"

Bows....and a baby!!

2011-12-09T06:00:00.001-05:00

First, I would like to give a big congratulations shout out to Josey who gave birth to baby Stella yesterday morning!!! She finally has her precious girl in her arms and I am so excited for her!! Congrats Josey and Charlie! :)

Second, I am obsessed with hair bows for baby girls. You know those big obnoxious flower and bow headbands? Yup! Those. I think they are adorable! And I plan to start a collection. I just think there's nothing cuter than a big ole bow or flower atop a lil bald baby head :) Plus, I didn't have hair until I was like 4. Ok well, 2. With my husband's genes this baby might luck out with more hair on her head than I had hopefully! The u/s tech on Tuesday did say she already has a little tuft of hair :)

Hello...

2011-12-08T10:07:00.000-05:00

Here is my little Samantha (in alien form) but still so beautiful to me! :) She wanted to say hello...

I'm up here...on cloud 9...

2011-12-07T16:21:00.000-05:00

Thanks for all the love yesterday! :) It was probably the best day of our lives so far. Of course, our wedding day was wonderful, but something about yesterday and finding out that we are going to have a DAUGHTER just blew our minds. Especially after all we've been through. It was just a very happy day. And it felt so good to share the news with all our friends and family.

I was in complete shock however because I thought it was a boy for sure! Hubby thought it was a girl all along. I even apologized to my belly because I have been referring to this baby as a boy and I even bought three boy things. A little blue and brown frame that says"Little Miracle", curtains for the nursery and one baby boy outfit! Kept all the receipts and thank goodness I did! We are so thrilled to be having a baby girl. I've always really wanted a girl, but had been warming up to the idea of having a son. Yesterday could not have gone bad, whether they said it was a boy or girl, I still would have cried, I still would be on cloud 9! It's seems a little more "real" now that we know baby is a girl and she has a name! I feel like there's a bigger connection now. Not that there wasn't one before yesterday, but it's hard to explain...

Our appointment went well. We got there SUPER EARLY so that we didn't get cancelled on again! And they actually took us a little early. I was having a bit of an anxiety attack because the baby was moving around so much and giving the tech a hard time. She couldn't tell right away if it was a boy or girl. And I started panicking that they would send us home with a "Nope! Sorry! Baby isn't cooperating." But she then said if we really want to find out she will pull out all her tricks. YES PLEASE :) The baby looked great! Very active and all her organs were in place. Things looked good. Then the tech told me to go empty my bladder and that she was going to have me do a yoga pose for a few minutes, so that the baby might change positions. So she left the room and had me up on all fours on the exam table and leaning on my elbows haha And like magic, it worked! We found out the baby was a beautiful GIRL and she was able to get some cute u/s pics for us. The pics I may post in a week or so. We got three regular ones and two 4D ones. The 4D ones were really cool, a little alien-ish but still soooo cute! We didn't end up tearing into them about Monday, because we were just so happy and they were being so nice. So we didn't wanted to ruin the moment and revisit Monday!

After the appointment, we had a quick breakfast together and then my husband had to go back to work. And I headed to Babies R Us. Which I have to say was the first time EVER that I didn't feel uncomfortable shopping in a baby store. I was literally smiling the whole time. It just felt amazing to be in there shopping for MY BABY GIRL :) So many times have I happily shopped for friends and family. But always still so sad that it wasn't for my little one.

Okay, so even though I'm on cloud 9, I have officially entered heartburn hell. It has gotten SO bad the last few days. And last night I kept waking up feeling like the inside of my chest and throat were on fire! I think I'm going to have to try pepcid, because these Tums aren't working so well now :(

Earlier this week, one of my very best friends found out her first IVF didn't work. And I was so heartbroken for her. You know when you are so hopeful and have such a good feeling that something is going to work, and then it doesn't and your like "What? Seriously?" You're all like "UM YEAH, WE'RE INFERTILE! STORY OF OUR LIVES!." I was just so bummed for her. And what kills me is that she is SOOOO SOOO happy for me and our big news! She's such a good friend to me. She is so deserving of being a mom and I just want it to happen for her. Like I want it to happen yesterday for her. She even went out and bought our baby girl some gifts yesterday! There is a heart of gold in that girl :)

Working on sending out our Christmas cards! Kind of fun (especially because I am so in love with our xmas card this year!) but it's a lot of work haha I will post a picture of the card probably in a week or two.

And I just want to say to everyone out there still waiting, hoping, and praying for their turn. It's going to happen. And when it does, I'm telling you, it will be worth all the tears, all the shots, all the money, all the emotional/physical pain, all the procedures. It will be so much sweeter than you can imagine :)

Drumroll please!

2011-12-06T13:38:00.001-05:00

We are having a.........

BABY GIRL!!!!!!!!! :)

We are just over the moon with happiness!!! And I am in complete SHOCK as all my bets were on a boy! I can't even sit still. We are so excited! Everything on the u/s looked beautiful! I even went to Babies R Us after and bought the baby her first pair of Mary Janes! They are so cute! We are so in love with this little girl already, I can't even describe it! And our little girl's name is..................

Samantha!! :) With the middle name, Roselyn (pronounced Rose-lyn not Roz-lyn), after my great-aunt with whom I was so very close with :)

We can't wait to meet our girl! And something else so special about this day is that exactly two years ago is when we got our first (surprise) positive pregnancy test! December 6th 2009...

Just kidding?

2011-12-05T14:56:00.002-05:00

I am miserable today girls. Just feeling so sad and defeated. "Why" you say? Well as you probably know, this post was supposed to be a happy one. Today was supposed to be one of the most special days of our lives. And let me say first that the baby and I are okay. In case any of you were thinking the worst. But today was supposed to be our anatomy scan and gender reveal. A day that I've been waiting 5 months for. No scratch that, I've been waiting for this day MY ENTIRE LIFE!

I'll start from the beginning. Which begins last night pretty much. I had trouble sleeping last night. I think I was just really excited and couldn't turn my mind off. But once I did get to sleep (around one) I woke up frequently. Because of my new pregnancy "side effect." LOUD SNORING! I've never really snored before. But last night I was waking up both myself and my husband. It was horrible! And then I had set my alarm for around 4:30 because I didn't want to rush getting ready and I wanted to make sure we had enough time to get to our appointment. So basically I am super tired right now and when I'm finished with this post, a nap will commence.

Our appointment was for 8:30 am. It takes us about 20 minutes to get to the OB office. We left the house at 7:45. Plentyyyy of time to get there. In fact, we should have ended up getting there early (as we always do!). And it even left a little extra time in case we ran into "traffic." Which pretty much never happens on the route we take there. We had to take two cars because unfortunately my husband had to go to work after our appointment. So I was following him.

I guess I'll cut to the chase, that we ran into traffic today. MAJOR TRAFFIC. A couple fender benders and I believe there was construction going on because two lanes were closed. It was insane. We were literally crawling along at 5 miles and hour and I started freaking out as I was watching the clock get closer and closer to 8:30. Finally, as we were at a stand still, I called the office and told them " I was so sorry but that we were on our way, we're stuck in horrible traffic." The receptionist then proceeded to tell me " Ok but if you aren't here soon we are going to have to reschedule because the u/s tech is booked up today." Now I start really freaking out. Tears and everything. I was practically begging her to not cancel it! I hung up and called my husband who then called the office himself and begged them also. As we are about two minutes away from the office, I get a call from the them. "I'm sorry we are going to have to cancel your appointment." Insert Sarah REALLY freaking out. I didn't even care. Full blown crying...begging..."Please I've waited 5 months for this day." Nope. Nothing. They had to cancel. My husband was furious. I was furious and sad. It was horrible. They did say they could get us in tomorrow morning. That was their "consolation prize."

Now, I know some of you are thinking, "Well that's not bad, at least they can get you in tomorrow! At least you are pregnant dammit!" And I get that. Yes, we are glad we don't have to wait another week or month. But I have to tell you we are so unhappy with how things went this morning with them, that we are just angry! I know it's just one more day of waiting. But after you've been hoping and praying for this day to come for so long, having something so unlucky like this happen is AWFUL. And not to mention it's not easy for my husband to time off from work. We weren't sure if he was even going to be able to come with me tomorrow! But he is after all after rearranging some stuff at work, thank goodness.

What we're so mad about is that at almost every appointment we have at the OB, we always have to wait almost an hour to be seen! We always are on time or arrive early. And we always wait patiently during those hours, because we know they are taking their time with each patient. I appreciate that, because I do like that they take their time with us when it's our turn. Now, why do we have to wait patiently over an hour but then when a couple really needs break, when they got stuck in traffic and it's such a BIG appointment, why can't they help us out a little? And maybe they need to loosen up their u/s schedule instead of having back to back appointments??? It's hard to explain I guess the frustration we are feeling about this. And we had planned to give the Doctor an earful about it tomorrow. But now, we don't get to see the doctor tomorrow, we are seeing an NP instead. One of the NP's I'm not really crazy about. So we were pissed about that too. We were supposed to meet the doctor today.

We had even pulled into the OB's office lot. We were there! And still they wouldn't shift anything for us. My husband actually went up to the office, while I sat in the car and cried., and he asked them again if there was anything they could do. He told them we would wait two hours if we had to. But they said no, and looked at him like he was nuts. Ugh.

Then this afternoon my mom came with me downtown to the SS office. I needed to get my name changed on my ss card.Yes, I'm a slacker and waited this long. The room was packed with people and we had to wait and hour or so. We even got to see a show. Two crazy people starting fighting with each other and the cops had to get involved! And they call my number and I get up there, but I only have a copy of my marriage license, not one with a seal. So, yup, they wouldn't do it! Complete waste of time.

It's just one of those days where I feel like a punching bag. So I'm sorry friends, I know some of you were so excited for us to find out! Tomorrow will be take two....

Now, it's time to nap. I might sleep through until tomorrow morning! That's how tired I feel.

Zero

2011-12-04T06:00:00.003-05:00

Zero days (I'm not counting today or Monday) until we find out if baby is a boy or girl! I sound like that little girl from the Hallmark commercial with the "countdown to Christmas" ornament :)

I have to tell you about something so sweet. Last night I checked the mailbox and in it was a baby card from my friend Lauren. She sent us a Babies R Us gift card to go buy something after the OB appointment tomorrow. The message inside was so special, too. I first met Lauren in Hawaii a few years ago. I met her in the NEX (which is a store that's a Navy exchange. It's basically a giant department store but you have to have military ID to get in). I remember roaming the baby aisles at the NEX wishing that I had a cute little baby girl or boy to shop for. Anyways, the day that I met her she had just left an OB appointment where she had found out she was having a baby girl! That baby girl is now three and a half and has a baby brother :) Lauren has been one of my biggest supporters through this whole infertility ~~nightmare~~ journey. And it all feels like it coming full circle :) I may not have a boat load of close friends, but the few I do have are most definitely irreplaceable...

ps-You know in my last post where I said I had a dream I was having a girl? Well, last night I had a very vivid dream that we had a boy...and he had blonde hair and hazel eyes!

19 Weeks!!

2011-12-03T06:00:00.002-05:00

"You say tomato, I say tomahto." Or however the song goes :)

We are 19 weeks today! The baby Gods say that the baby is about the size of a large heirloom tomato. Mmmmm I love tomatoes.

Can't believe next week we are going to be out of the "teens." HFS.

Turned my frown upside down...

2011-12-02T12:47:00.000-05:00

I was kind of having a "blah" day today. Just stressing about money and what not. Usually listening to Christmas music in the car can cheer me up, but not this morning. However, when I got home from picking up a few groceries I went and checked my email. And there was some very exciting/hopeful/crazygood news from a blogger buddy. It definitely turned my frown upside down and sent me into a tizzy of happiness for her. I can't disclose details as they are not mine to share. But, I will say with lots of hope and prayers my friend's dream may finally come true. So I am happy right now :)

As I mentioned in my last post, we signed up for our childbirth and breastfeeding classes. As well as a maternity tour. We were shocked though to find out that the childbirth class is set in FOUR three hour classes! That means 12 hours of baby birthin lessons. We were both like "Holllyyy crap." Seems like way to much. Heck, I may not even be in labor for 12 hours haha Hoping anyways. 12 hours of class just seems a little excessive to me. I know there is probably a lot to learn but yikes. My friend Lauren was joking about it saying " What are they gonna teach you to do a home birth or something?" And I'm like "No, they're probably teaching us to do our own c-section at home using kitchen utensils." :) Ahhhh, it's fun to joke. Anyone who's taken a childbirth class before, was yours 12 hours??

Holy hunger and heartburn. Would it be strange of me to say that I've never experienced heartburn before until now? Last week and this week I had been getting this weird pressure/burning type sensation in my chest/throat. And since I've never felt heartburn before I didn't automatically think it was that. But my husband confirmed that it was. So I bought my first container of tums today and we'll see if that helps. It seem to be really bad when I was laying in bed last night. And the hunger is out of control. I noticed babycenter mentioned with my last weekly update that I should expect to be more hungry now. They aren't kidding!! Even when I eat a semi well balanced meal, I'm satisfied for about a half hour and then my stomach is growling like I haven't eaten anything all day! It's so awful and I'm sick of eating. I try to eat little snacks here and there. But I just get hungry so fast after eating. Even when I eat well, like protein, fruit, veggies. It doesn't matter what I eat, baby isn't satisfied with it I guess? Do I just accept this as normal for now or is something wrong with me?? I basically have to eat a piece of toast before bed just to get to sleep and then I wake up about 3-4 with a hunger that feels like it's clawing out my stomach. Making eggs at 4 am is something that has been happening a lot around this joint. This morning I had oatmeal around 7am by 10am I felt like I hadn't eating anything in days. Please tell me this is normal.

Last night I did some "fun" googling to see what people say about symptoms you have, if you're having a boy or girl. I didn't really find much except that a lot of women said they dreamt about what they were having. And I thought to myself " I haven't dreamed anything about this gender of my baby." All along I've had a strong feeling this baby is a boy. But then last night, I had a dream it was a girl! haha Two more days people. Two more days.

I'm really itching to do our xmas cards, but they won't be ready until the end of next week. Boooo. I'm one of those people that find it fun to send out xmas cards and address/decorate the envelopes :)

Hormonal Holiday Cheer

2011-12-01T07:01:00.001-05:00

I am super excited for Christmas this year. Mainly, for the obvious reason of our little miracle growing inside me!! We feel so blessed and just plain old happy that it's finally happening for us. Finally, all my birthday and Christmas wishes are coming true. And this probably won't be the last time this month, that I pour my heart out about how grateful we are. I know a lot of people find it hard to understand why some people "rush" Christmas. I'm not one of those people. I'm fine with hearing Christmas music in November and we usually put up our tree the day after Thanksgiving. I feel like this year though there are a lot of people very excited for Christmas for their own reasons I suppose. But I really think the world is just hungry for some holiday cheer. For some happiness in a bad economy. We want something to look forward to and take our minds off the everyday life struggles. That's my theory :)

Last night I watched the Rockefeller Tree lighting as I do every year. And I was crying my eyes out when Carole King was singing "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas." It's my favorite Christmas song. And while it has some sad undertones to it, I've always looked to that song as a little bit of hope. Every holiday that went by with no baby yet, would make me connect with this song. That no matter how down I was feeling I was going to try to have a Merry Little Christmas and let my heart be light...

Have yourself a merry little Christmas,
Let your heart be light
From now on,
our troubles will be out of sight...

Thanks for all your advice on the birthing/breastfeeding classes! I went ahead and registered us for a Maternity tour of the hospital this month. And then in February and March will be our breastfeeding and childbirth class. I figured I should sign us up now because I've read they can fill up quick!

A Buck Fifty

2011-11-30T11:46:00.000-05:00

According to my little baby widget thing on my blog, I have 150 days to go before Lil' Miracle arrives. Wow. For some reason, that doesn't sound like a very long time to me. I know it kind of is and come the third trimester I will be all " OMG this is taking forevaaaaaaaaaaa. Come out already baby!." But for right now, 150 days seems doable...

4 days until gender and name reveal! I know you're pumped :) ha. I'm not counting today or Monday. Monday is the actual appointment, but in my eyes it doesn't count. So 4 days!

What are your opinions on taking childbirth and breastfeeding classes? I'm really interested in taking a breastfeeding class. However, I'm still on the fence about childbirth classes. Which I'm sure some of you just gasped. I've just been asking people how their childbirth classes went and most of them weren't impressed. Because basically anything can happen come delivery day. You can practice breathing techniques all you want but they may not become useful. Although, I know some (most) people like to be prepared. So I don't know what we'll do. A lot of people have actually said that when it comes down to the moment, the nurses coach you through the breathing and pushing anyways. I know I probably should take the childbirth class, being this is our first kid and all. But I don't know, still on the fence...

Rockefeller Tree lighting is tonight! I still get so excited for this every single year!! We usually go down to the city around this time and see the Radio City show. But not this year. Which is fine, because walking blocks and blocks around the city while pregnant just doesn't appeal to me very much :)

Never fails...

2011-11-29T13:23:00.000-05:00

That you girls are there for me just when I need ya the most...

Thank you all so much for your support and encouragement yesterday after my freak out. Every single comment truly made me feel a bit better. So thank you for taking a few minutes out of your day to stop and help a girl out :)

I am pleased to say that I feel MUCH better than I did yesterday! Not really sure what it was exactly. GI issues? Round ligament pains? Baby growing like a weed? Who knows. What I do know, is that today I feel good. Thank you God! I'm sure that won't be my last "freak out" day but I'm sure glad to have yesterday behind me. Don't really know where I'd be without my husband, my family and my friends (including blog friends!). Can you imagine how lonely and scary it would be to have no one to turn to when things get shitty??

Oh! Many of you will be happy to know that I sent my doppler packing!!! See ya. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year. It's on it's way back to the company! The lil guy just wasn't for me. Was causing me more anxiety and that's exactly what I don't need right now. Ours was a cheap one, so who knows, maybe if it was of better quality it would have stuck around. But our doppler days were short lived. And that's okay.

Thanks again, girls. I love ya.

Having one of those days...

2011-11-28T15:09:00.002-05:00

Where I'm freaking out and scared and just want to cry.

I woke up this morning feeling okay, but then shortly after started feeling some cramps/discomfort in my lower belly. It just felt different than the normal GI pain I feel. So I took some Tylenol and laid down on the couch. I ended up falling asleep but when I woke up the discomfort was still there. I keep trying to tell myself it's normal and could just be RLP but I googled RLP and it doesn't sound like this is what I'm experiencing. I'm not doubled over in pain but I'm definitely miserable from the discomfort and anxiety it brought with it.

So I thought I'd check the baby's heartbeat on the doppler. Bad idea. I'm considering returning it because I find it's bringing me more anxiety than excitement over trying to find the hb. I tried to find it and when I found a heartbeat I couldn't tell if it was mine or the baby's. I think it was the baby because it was super fast, but what bothered me is I think it should sound different at 18 weeks than what it's normally sounded like. From what I've heard/read it should start sounding more like a gallop rather than a fast swooshing sound. So I googled it and watched about 5 youtube videos of women who are 18 weeks and using their doppler. And of course theirs sounds like a gallop. What also freaked me out about youtube was there was tons of videos of people at 18 weeks feeling kicks and movement! I'm not feeling any of that.

Today is just a bad day for me. I feel like crap. And I'm thinking the worst. I keep praying to God to please let this baby be ok and let it stay in my belly until the spring. I'll do anything to make that happen. I guess today because of the cramps I'm on the edge. I feel like smashing my doppler with a hammer.

I wish I could just sleep through this until April.

18 Weeks!

2011-11-26T06:00:00.004-05:00

18 weeks today! And baby is about the length of a bell pepper. Babycenter says that if it's a girl her uterus and fallopian tubes are in place. Crazy! :) Let's hope (IF it is a girl) that someday her uterus and fallopian tubes don't give her trouble like mine gave me! Babycenter also said that I could start to feel more hungry! Um, CHECK! The last week or so, nothing seems to satisfy me. And then I get hungry again a half hour later! Something else I noticed after I got dressed on Thanksgiving day. My ass is HUGE. Like "Baby got back" huge. I've always had a booty I guess, but oh my gosh, I was just shocked at how much bigger it looks now!! My husband makes me feel good about it, but I literally feel like it's own person! haha

We had a nice Thanksgiving. Very busy as we were running around to three different families, but it was still a nice day. Much better than last Thanksgiving. I went back and read that post and wow...how grateful I feel today!! Have any of you bloggers gone back and read through some of your old posts? It really is amazing. And so very emotional. But it makes me so glad that I have documented this journey. Through the awful times and the amazing times...

Yesterday was my husbands birthday and we decided to go get our tree! We go to the same place we've always gone to and when we arrived today the young kid that's always working there recognized my husband. We usually get the "economy" tree. Which is about $25.00. A little Charlie Brown-ish. But still a decent tree and it works fine for us. Well, today the tree dude was like "Go pick out a good one and Ill only charge you $25.00." So we were happy to get such a good deal! Now we have such a pretty tree in our living room! However, the generous tree guy didn't quite tie the tree onto the car so well. As we were driving down the highway, it started to slide off! I looked out my window and started laughing so hard because the stump of the tree was completely visible through my window! The whole tree had shifted! And it explains while people were cautiously trying to drive around us! Instead of freaking out my husband and I were laughing so hard. He did pull over once to try and fix it but it wasn't quite working. So our solution? Open the sunroof and hold part of the tree down as were driving. Hey, it worked. But it was hilarious. We made it home. With the tree in one piece. :)

Happy Birthday...

2011-11-25T06:25:00.003-05:00

To this guy....

My wonderful husband turns 31 today!! I love you so much honey! Thank you for being a dream come true and then some! What an exciting year we have ahead! You are going to be the best Daddy, I just know it :)

Happy Birthday, love.

Thankful.

2011-11-24T06:00:00.002-05:00

Today I am thankful.

I'm thankful for so many things...

My wonderful husband...
My loving and supportive family...
My friends (including blog friends!)...
A roof over my head...
Food to eat...

But this year, we are extremely thankful for this little guy or girl growing in my belly. We truly know what an amazing gift this is and we are thankful for this miracle! It's been a long road but we are finally here. We are finally on our way to meeting our baby! And I will spend forever giving thanks for that....

Happy Thanksgiving everyone! :) Time to watch the Macy's Parade and then we are off to visit with family!

"Throwin' It Out There" Tuesday

2011-11-22T14:32:00.001-05:00

I'm making up another "bullet points" day because.. I can :)

A dear friend of mine got really great news today and I couldn't be happier! She just did her first IVF the other day and they were only were able to retrieve one egg :( Which isn't ideal, but we all put a lot of prayer and hope into this one miracle egg and thankfully it fertilized! So they are doing an early transfer tomorrow to give this lil embie the best chance possible!! It only takes ONE. So I am praying that this baby is her take-home baby!!!
I think I may have felt movement last night! Not completely sure, could have totally been gas or something. But I was sitting on the couch and felt this little "Pop!" feeling and fluttering after it! Hmmm. Guess there's no way to know for sure. And I've heard if your a little heavier it's hard to feel movement this early, so who knows.
A friend of mine asked me how my stomach issues were doing. Well, the past couple weeks I've been feeling pretty good overall!! No pain or stomach issues. Although, I've been having a bit of insomnia even though I get really really tired. I was so glad to be feeling better and then just yesterday the stomach issues came back :( I hope it goes away by tomorrow because I really don't want to feel this way for Thanksgiving!
I went with my almost 90 yr old grandmother to her doctor's appointment Monday morning. She's so funny and was charming just about every doctor and nurse in the place. When her doctor walked in (who was a good looking older man) she said to me " Isn't he cute?" The doctor laughed. And then she says "Doctor you look like you could be on Grey's Anatomy." LOL. How my grandmother knows about Grey's Anatomy is beyond me :) Just when you think she might be losin it, she surprises us by saying something like that!
I feel like these last two weeks before we find out the gender is going by soooooooooooo slowwwwwwwwwww. I guess that's what happens when you are really looking forward to something.
I'm back to craving pickles. I was craving them early on and then it just stopped. And now I need them again!
Anyone see the Pampers "Peace on Earth" commercial with all the sleeping babies??? Tears. And more tears.
Looking forward to putting away the fall decorations on Friday and getting our Christmas tree!!
My husband and I FINALLY cleaned out the spare room (which is going to be the nursery!) and it felt great to get that done!! Pretty exciting and amazing that in a few months it will be a whole new world in there!

An Award!

2011-11-20T12:27:00.000-05:00

Jenn over at the blog ...so this is love... gave me this lovely award this morning! It feels good to be loved! :) Thank you Jenn! According to Jenn's bloggy friend who gave the award to her, Liebster is a German word meaning beloved or favorite...

I now pass this award onto the following five bloggers!

1-Good Timing over at the blog ~Love Grows Love~
2-Shannon over at the blog Solo Pronto
3-E over at the blog Many Many Moons
4-Sailor's Sweetheart over at the blog Living out of a suitcase
5-Chon over at the blog My Path to Insanity & Beyond

Please pass on the Liebster lovin'!

Copy and paste the award on your blog.

Thank the giver and link back to the blogger who gave it to you.

Reveal your top 5 picks and let them know by leaving a comment on their blog.

Hope that your followers will spread the love to other bloggers

17 weeks!!

2011-11-19T08:03:00.001-05:00

Today I am 17 weeks!! Baby is about the size/weight of a turnip!!

Don't think I've ever had a turnip before. Is it a fruit? Is it a vegetable??

I've read that I could start feeling movement. And I've read up on what to pay attention to. The feeling of a goldfish swimming in my stomach, or popcorn popping or a butterflies feeling. I'm not really sure if I've felt any of these things yet. But I also read it's hard for people to recognize the movement if this is their first baby. I can't wait to actually feel little kicks!!

Have a great weekend everybody!

Well, my Christmas shopping is done...

2011-11-18T12:57:00.000-05:00

Last night I was watching TV and a commercial came on for a product called "Forever Lazy." It's an (adult) fleece footed jumper that has a BUTT FLAP (yes you read that right) where you can unsnap and go to the bathroom! At first, I thought maybe this was a joke. But it turns out to be a real product that they are selling. This thing is so ridiculous! You can't help but laugh at it! I mean, come on, how lazy do you have to be to have butt flap lounge wear?? However, I now know what I'm getting everyone for Christmas this year. Kidding, kidding...

I feel like I've been a really boring blogger lately and I apologize for that. I just think I have a lot on my mind and sometimes blogging can go either way with me. When my mind gets racing, sometimes I'm into "blogging it out" and other times I just prefer to remain quiet. I still try and comment as much as I can on other blogs, but sometimes I guess I get writer's block. I feel like I used to blog about semi funny/interesting stuff and now most of my posts revolve around pregnancy. Which I don't want to sound like I'm apologizing for, because that has been my goal and we finally got our miracle! So I feel very blessed. However, I do know that some people who are still waiting/trying find it kind of boring or annoying to read about sausage fingers and nausea. I'm also using this blog as a way to document this journey. As you have probably read, every Saturday I graduate up a week, so you bet your ass you can expect a post where I'm comparing the size of my baby to a fruit.

I seem to have more energy lately, which is great. Although, at the same time I find myself extra tired. That really doesn't make any sense. But I guess what I mean is that since I have more energy I push myself to get out and do more, but then I tend to overdo it, and I become EXHAUSTED. Also, I don't sleep well. Up a lot to pee and then I toss and turn. And I've been getting up super early everyday. So I'm definitely not getting enough sleep. I try to take a nap here and there. But the past week or two I have been super tired. And really really hungry all the time! I can almost say that I am sick of eating. Sometimes I really do not want to eat anything more, but I get so hungry and then I start feeling sick if I don't give in to the hunger. Times like that I try to just eat some crackers or some baby carrots, but a lot of the time I need something more substantial or I'll just end up needing to eat again in 15 minutes!

Anyone watch Private Practice last night? Well, Addison is doing IVF. The first time didn't work but then she transferred two snowbabies and at the very end of the show she takes a pregnancy test on Thanksgiving. All they showed was her looking at the test (which we couldn't see the test) and then sort of smiling. So I assumed that meant she was pregnant and I was SOBBING. Doesn't take much to get me to cry these days, but there's something so special about someone who has struggled and then their dreams finally come true! Even TV characters :)

17 days until we find out the gender of Lil Miracle. Can't wait!

My Mitts

2011-11-15T14:45:00.000-05:00

I've always had small "stumpy" hands. I'm about 5'0 ~~short~~ tall and my hands are small. Yet, as I've been gaining weight they are blowing up into all new proportions! My rings are getting really snug. And they've gone from little sausages to what I'm now calling "my mitts." I used to get acrylic nails put on to "lengthen" the look of my fingers. But that got way too expensive to keep up! So, now here I sit, staring at my mitts. And thinking to myself, "Who cares, you've got a baby in your belly!"

I'm just not going to be one of those women who's body carries pregnancy with grace. And I'm okay with that. I finally had to break down and get new sneakers, because none of my shoes fit my comfortably. I was still trying to rock flip flops on the warmer days and then an old pair of sneakers on the cooler days. Normally I wear a size 7, but had to get and 8 1/2 in the new sneakers! They are a little loose, but much more comfortable and will give me room to grow. And then I have a pair of black high boots that my mom so generously bought me. Even those had to be purchased at a plus size store thanks to my giant calves! Sigh.

Keep growing baby. As long as you are growing, Mommy can deal with all the things that are growing on her! :)

The Crazy Woman at the OB's office

2011-11-14T12:19:00.000-05:00

And no, it wasn't me :)

I walked into the waiting room (aka the slow cooker) this morning and there were four people in there. A crazy woman and her two year old daughter and a very pregnant woman and her friend. I got a bottle of water and sat down in a chair. The "crazy" woman was chasing her daughter all around and talking very loudly to her. As the rest of us were watching the TV and minding our own business, the woman started making comments aloud about the TV show. I mean, really loudly, as if she was talking to the rest of us and hoping we would acknowledge her and strike up conversation. She kept at it too, to the point of complete awkwardness. I could see the very pregnant girl and her friend eyeing each other like as if saying " She's weird." Normally, I'm a very nice person and don't mind making small talk with strangers if they seem like nice normal people. But I just sensed something so weird with this woman, that I chose not to make any eye contact with her in hopes she didn't start asking me questions. Sadly, the very pregnant girl made eye contact. And then all her personal business was then spilled to us all in the waiting room. The "crazy" woman starting attacking her with questions . "When are you due? Is this your first? What hospital? Girl or boy? Are you going to breastfeed?" And on and on she went. The very pregnant girl was nice about it but I could tell she felt weird about it. THEN, another pregnant girl came out into the waiting room from the exam area with a long scroll of u/s pictures. She sat down minding her own bizznus. But then....she made eye contact with crazy woman!!! Crazy got up from her chair and walked over to her to look at her u/s pictures!!! And asked all the same questions she just asked the other girl! I couldn't believe how nuts this woman was. I really felt bad for her daughter. Does she not have any social boundaries? The second pregnant girl with the u/s pics wasn't as friendly to her as the other girl because I could tell she definitely sensed CRAZY. So I'm sitting there trying so hard not to make eye contact, as I'm sure I was next on her interrogation list. And then by the grace of God, the nurse opened the door and called my name!!! Close one. I just don't understand some people! Some things are personal and not everyone wants to dish their info to complete strangers! Ok, just had to vent about that...

My appointment went well. Blood pressure was down to 122/74 which she was happy about. Pap came back normal. Thyroid is stable. I can't believe our next appointment will be the BIG ultrasound!!! :) Well, I pray that's our next appointment as I don't really want to end up back there before then! I asked her opinion on stretch mark creams that work well and are safe for the baby. She basically said that they usually don't work that well and to stick with anything inexpensive because some of them are $$! She said any kind of hydration on the skin helps. Regular lotion even. So I think I might just go with cocoa butter.

I have been sleeping like crap. Up every hour to pee and tossing and turning a lot. Sometimes when my stomach doesn't hurt (which is rarely) I try to fall asleep on my stomach because I seem to sleep better that way. Am I hurting the baby if I sleep on my stomach at 16+ weeks? I know people have told me to sleep on my stomach while I can! So I'm trying to do that, but it still makes me nervous.

16 weeks!

2011-11-12T18:36:00.000-05:00

Today we are 16 weeks! Baby is about the size of an avocado! And is starting to grow toenails!

My mom and I found the cutest most perfect baby picture frame today! But I'm not going to post a pic of it until December 5th after our "big" ultrasound :) It's so perfect in so many ways!

Has anyone seen the Google Chrome commercial with the Dad writing (typing) letters to his daughter???? I was SOBBING :)

Scary!

2011-11-11T13:01:00.000-05:00

What kind of baby monitor do you have??

Check this out...

I dislike co-pays

2011-11-11T09:17:00.001-05:00

Nothing like paying someone $30.00 to tell you what you already know. Blahhh....

We have pretty good medical coverage, but for every single doctor visit we have to pay $30.00. And that adds up when you are sometimes visiting the doctor 2-3 times a week. It was really awful during fertility treatments where we were having to pay $30 every other day for monitoring. Oh well. Had to be done, but it just really sucks to have to dish out that much money.

I just got back from the GI doctor and basically they can't really do much for me while I'm pregnant. All I can do is increase my fluid and fiber intake. Use heating pads. All things I have been trying to do. He said that with the previous GI issues it is possible for me to experience pain like that. They want me to have a small bowel series done after the baby is born. I didn't expect the doctor to hand me a miracle pill, but it's a bummer that I just have to "deal" with it if the pain comes back again. The good news is that my blood pressure was down today! 122/74 today when it was around 144 /93 earlier in the week! So I was happy about that. Although, I could feel my heart racing and the nurse said my heart rate was 88 bpm. Which I didn't really believe, because it felt much faster and my heart rate is usually in the 90's to 100. Related to thyroid issues I believe.

Next appt: Monday at the OB for a blood pressure check! Got my tent and marshmallows ready :)

p.s. I think I'm starting to experience heartburn for the first time. Never had it before. But yesterday and today I've been feeling this like burning feeling in my esophagus? Heartburn I guess. And how could I forget...

Happy Veteran's Day! Thank you to all our military. And thank you to their families who sacrifice and serve as well!

TVT

2011-11-10T16:10:00.000-05:00

Today I was trying on a shirt in our full length mirror (a mirror which I try to avoid at all costs nowadays) and I look at my stomach and I see these almost black and blue lines. What the heck is that?? OH. It's STRETCHMARKS! Surprisingly I am not freaking out about this. It shocked me, yes, because I haven't seen seen such defined stretch marks on myself before. But in a way, I was happy. Because that means the baby is growing and my body is growing and stretching for the baby. Now, in a few months I may change my tune when they are all over me, but for now, I'm like eh whatever....
I'm interested to see where my blood pressure is at on Monday at my appt. On Tuesday I went to Rite Aid to use their blood pressure machine and it was a little higher than the day before. Great. I'm hoping it goes down to a reasonable number. I don't want to be on blood pressure meds nor do I want any complications with the baby.
Tomorrow morning I have an appt at the GI doctor, to see if they can figure out what's going on with my stomach. Thankfully, I've been feeling a lot better this week, but I'm afraid of that pain coming back!
25 days until we find out the gender!! :)
Heard Christmas music on the radio today and I LOVED it. Yes, I'm one of those people who are already thinking about and planning for Christmas even before Thanksgiving gets here. Sometimes I feel bad for Thanksgiving, like it gets jipped. But I do have a Thanksgiving tradition (that my mom started when we were little) where we make cinnamon rolls and watch the Macy's parade in it's entirety. I love watching it every year!
It's about time for my 4 o'clock feeding. I am hungry alllllll the time. Not to mention, I'm in the bathroom peeing alllll the time. It's crazy. But it is what it is.
My hormones have taken a plunge into the deep end. I cry just about every day over one thing or another. Last night I actually cried watching the CMA's. Every song I heard just seemed to be the most beautiful song I've ever heard.
It's about time for my 4 o'clock feeding.

Poem

2011-11-09T18:50:00.000-05:00

I posted this poem back in January. I found it on another blogger's site and it really resonated with me. I was in a dark place at the time and angry with God. I felt like my dreams of becoming a mother would never come true. I'm hoping this poem helps someone else out there who feels...well...broken...

Broken Dreams

As children bring their
broken toys
with tears for us to mend,
I brought my broken
dreams to God, because
He was my friend.
But then, instead of
leaving Him,
in peace, to work alone;
I hung around and
tried to help,
with ways that were my own.
At last, I snatched them
back and cried,"How can you be so slow?"
"My child," He said,
"What could I do?
You never did let go."

20?

2011-11-08T13:06:00.001-05:00

If you haven't heard the latest Duggar news...

They are pregnant with their 20th kid.

Holy crap.

And that's all I have to say about that.

Camping

2011-11-07T13:46:00.000-05:00

I'm seriously considering setting up camp in the OB's office waiting room. Complete with a tent and a little grill for roasting marshmallows...

Thursday I was at the OB, Saturday I was in L&D, and today I was back at the OB. Today was a scheduled appointment. However, the waiting room was standing room only and the wait was over an hour. You know what bothers me? When there are guys in the waiting room sitting in a chair and they don't offer their chair to a very pregnant person who's standing! So rude. I did have a seat, but I was constantly observing who I might offer my seat too. Like an old lady or a 9 mth pregnant girl. When I finally did get called back they had me pee in a cup, blood pressure, blood work, baby doppler, and a good ole pap! The baby's hb is good. My fav NP has a feeling it's a boy, she said not to hold her to it but she just gets the feeling it's a boy. Anyways, everything went ok except for my blood pressure. The first nurse took my blood pressure and said she was gonna come back after my exam to take it again because it was high. She asked if I had a headache, which I didn't. And when my fav NP came in she was like "Holy cow with the BP girl!." I was feeling a little anxious and nervous and I don't think the hour long wait helped things, but they took it again a little while later and it went down a little bit but not as much as they would have liked. So she said she wants me to go home and find a zen-like state for the rest of the day and to come back Monday to have my blood pressure checked again. Do you see why I am considering setting up camp there? I'm always there!! This doesn't surprise me much though, as I'm used to heading to the fertility clinic every other day for so long....

Yeah, I'm a little nervous about the high blood pressure, but I'm not going to let in put me in freak out mode. Sometimes my BP was high at the fertility clinic too because I was always on edge there and nervous. Oh and I had something else done today....

A flu shot. My first one EVER. This should be interesting. I had a hard time coming to a decision on whether I wanted to get one or not. I did a lot of research on it, asked a lot of people their opinions, friends, family, medical professionals, google. And the consensus was...get one! So I did. I thought about waiting till December maybe but I knew I would be just as nervous then and I should just get it over with. The kind they gave me was thermasol (sp?) free. I don't regret that I got one. I'm actually glad I did. I am going to be pregnant right from the start of flu season until the end of it. I still prayed like hell this morning that this baby stays safe with me getting the flu shot. Matt got his first flu shot a few weeks ago, too. I'm sure we will be fine. My reasoning is, is that God forbid I didn't get a flu shot and caught the flu and had complications and lost the baby, I could never forgive myself. If I (God forbid) lost the baby from getting a flu shot, at least I would know I was trying to protect it. The were just too many reasons to get one than to not get one. So it's over with. It's done with. I know it's a personal decision. All will be okay :)

15 weeks & a visit to Labor and Delivery...

2011-11-05T18:56:00.000-04:00

Today we were supposed to be celebrating 15 weeks! The apple of our eye! As the baby is about the size of an Apple by now...

I'll start off by saying the baby is okay. For that we are thankful. But after 4 days of being in complete agony, we decided it would be best to take a little trip to the ER. Which landed us in Labor and Delivery for almost 5 hours. It was a really frustrating experience and we've pretty much decided that we don't want to deliver at this hospital. The mid-wife was a b*@$& and basically made us feel like we were stupid for even coming in. It's a long story, but basically my (usual) calm and polite husband wanted to rip her face off. They didn't do an u/s or an internal exam, which bothered me. All they did was blood work and checked for baby's heart beat on the doppler. I've been having all over stomach pain for four days now. At the OB on Thursday they thought it was RPL and digestive issues. But the last few days, I have been in so much pain that I couldn't take it anymore, we just wanted to make sure the baby was okay and that it there wasn't something awful going on with my organs. The blood work and urine test showed everything was okay. And that my gall bladder and liver function was normal, so that was good news. The bad news? I left there in just as much pain as I went in with. It's horrible. L&D thinks it's my IBS issues and says I should see my GI doctor next week, which I'm doing. But this is so scary and frustrating. It's hard to even function like a normal person :( Monday I have another OB appt and then I have an appt at the GI doc on Friday but I am going to try and get it moved up. I can't live like this. I keep getting the feeling it's more than just IBS issues, because I've never felt this kind of pain before. But if everyone is saying the baby is okay, I'm just going to have to trust that....

I think visiting Labor & Delivery is one of the most awful things in the world, unless you are about to give birth to a full term baby or you are visiting someone who is about to give birth to a full term baby. Anything other than that is really scary and depressing. They put us in this birthing suite that full of birthing "things." A bouncy ball , a little baby crib where they take care of the baby after birth, a "contraction" tracking machine thing....

I don't want to have to be in an L & D room until April. And to be completely honest, I was so sad thinking there was a chance I would be giving birth today. With the amount of pain I'm having, I thought for sure that was a possibility. But thank God, our little apple is fine...

I said to Matt jokingly on the way home, " Honey, I think this child may be an only child."

The Slow Cooker

2011-11-03T18:35:00.001-04:00

I had an "emergency" appointment at the OB's office today. I've been feeling like crap this week. Having a lot of stomach pain, which I thought wast digestive issues. Since the beginning of this pregnancy, I've had issues like that but this week it got worse. Wednesday I could barely move. I couldn't sit down and be comfortable I had to either lay down or stand up to tolerate the pain. It isn't a "doubled over" kind of pain, but enough to make me miserable and waddle around. TMI, but constipation is a common side effect of pregnancy, but I feel like I have some extreme version of it. Not so much the constipation part, but some strange digestive problem that wants me to suffer on a daily basis. I did have stomach issues (IBS) before pregnancy so I'm sure that's not helping things. My next OB appt is scheduled for Monday and I debated waiting until then and just try to "ride" this out. But I knew that wouldn't be smart in case there was something wrong with the baby. So I called to see if there were any cancellations. The receptionist said they didn't have any openings but that I could talk to a nurse if I wanted to. So the nurse and I talked and she thought it would be best for me to get checked out and miraculously there was an opening in the schedule. Sense my sarcasm there? They had an opening for Friday, but then she said if I can get there by 2:45 today there was a cancellation. So I took it. I was worried though, because I did take Miralax yesterday and this morning to see if it would "help" my stomach issues. And I was afraid of crapping my pants on the car ride up there. haha. Yes, it was a legitimate fear! My husband was on a job in Vermont today that he was just finishing up so he was upset that he didn't think he'd make it back in time to go with me to the appointment. I told him not to worry about it and I'd be fine.

So I get up there and I walk into the waiting room, which I've now nicknamed "The Slow Cooker." It's a tiny closed in waiting room and it was probably 2000 degrees in there. No windows. And there's a huge flat screen TV on the wall that's probably giving off a ton of heat as well. I nicknamed it "The Slow Cooker" because it's hot in there and it takes a long time to be seen. There's always a wait. But I don't mind this that much because that means they are taking there time with each patient and I appreciate the extra time they take with me while I'm in there. There's also a small "wine" type fridge in there where they keep water bottles. But the bottles are never cold. I still take one because its a free bottle of water, but drinking warm water to me is like drinking your own saliva. Anyways, I'm sitting there wondering all the horrible things that could be going on in my belly or with the baby, and who do I see walk in the door? MY AMAZING HUSBAND. I think my heart swelled up 3 times it's size just seeing his face. He had rushed back from Vermont because he didn't want me to be alone at this appointment. Now, THAT...is love:) I'm a lucky girl.

The appointment went pretty quickly. Peed in a cup, they took my weight, they checked baby on the doppler....

And baby is GREAT! Heard the heartbeat at 155-160 bpm! :) At our last visit it was 180 bpm on the u/s machine. I now know the sound Ive been hearing at home on the doppler at home is definitely the heartbeat! And then she talked with me about my pain. The diagnosis is: Digestive issues combined with round ligament pain. The downer is there's nothing I can really do about it, besides all the things I've already been doing. Heating pad, don't eat certain foods, take Miralax everyday if I want to...

So, there's no miracle pill for this pain. It's pretty scary and frustrating to feel like this everyday, but I'm so thankful the baby is doing well. I just kept thinking that there's no way my stomach can hurt this much and the baby is still okay! But he or she is perfectly fine! :)

I decided to keep my original appointment for Monday, because I mean, who doesn't love a good ole pap? And I think I'm due for blood work. So back to the "slow cooker" in a few days. Oh well, I'm wanting this month to go by quickly so we can get to the anatomy scan in December. I knew today if they couldn't find baby's heartbeat on the doppler they would probably do an ultrasound. And would be able to tell the gender by this point. But I was so grateful she found it on the doppler, even though it would have been cool to get a sneak peek at the babe!

I'm praying this pain goes away. It's really hard to function while feeling like this and I'm waddling around like I'm 9 mths pregnant already. I just want to feel good. This second trimester is supposed to be the best one! :) Did you hear that, stomach? :)

Money Tree

2011-11-02T08:07:00.000-04:00

If anyone comes across one of these, please notify me of the exact GPS location. Thanks so much.

Happy Halloween!!

2011-10-31T06:30:00.023-04:00

A big Happy 30th Birthday to my brother, Jamie! It's also an extra special day for him because he and his fiancee are closing on their first house today!

Me and my brother

And it's an extra special Halloween for me too! So blessed to have a little pumpkin growing :) I remember after one of our very sad BFN's earlier this year I said to my mom through tears "I can't bear the thought of going into the holiday season without a baby growing." I was at such a dark point and the thought of entering another holiday season still hurting, was just unbearable for me. Thankfully, it happened for us :) It was hard work, but it happened, and we couldn't be happier...